The Best of Wives and The Best of Women Part 2
by DeborahSampson1776
Summary: Sam's life changed forever when Ainsley Hayes, the future first female POTUS, kicked his a** on National TV. Teaser: "Well if that isn't the biggest pile of bushwa I've ever smelled." Six pairs of shocked eyes turned to Mrs. Landingham.
1. Take a chance on me

Disclaimer:

I own nothing related to West Wing, Hamilton(The Best of Wives and the Best of Women), and ABBA (Take a chance on me).

Note: This takes place in the context of Isaac and Ishmael but before Bad Moon Rising.

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"Why?" C.J. challenged before she glanced at Josh. "An' before I forget, you owe me $100." ' _I knew making a bet with him on this was a good idea.'_

Sam fiddled with the sugar packets. " 'Cause... she's a Republican, an' I'm a Democrat. We'd fight all the time." His eyelids flickered.

' _That boy's about ready to fall asleep sitting up.'_ "HA!" Abbey snorted. "Jed and I are Democrats, an' we still argue 'bout everything- including politics. Try again."

Sam aimed a sugar packet towards the trash can. "Because... I'm not meant for a relationship."

' _Because of your dad, right?'_ "Why?" Donna propped her chin on her hand. *PLII-aaapp.* A sugar packet landed in the trash can.

' ' _Cause he's scared of becoming his dad, which I get._ ' Toby thought.

Sam averted his red eyes. "My parents... who I thought were happy … my dad has been cheating on my mom for 28 years. … It was all just … a big lie."

Abbey leaned against the window in her seat. "So you've decided that you don't get to be happy because your dad's a jack***?"

"I mean….. yeah." Sam gave a half shrug of his shoulders.

"How noble of you." Abbey sassed.

' _I love her, so I gotta do what's best for her.'_ Sam chewed his bottom lip.

"Well if that isn't the biggest pile of bushwa I've ever smelled." Six pairs of shocked eyes turned to Mrs. Landingham.

' _Oh boy, she means business.'_ Abbey thought.

' _Is that even English?_ ' Josh cocked his head.

"Look, Sam. Tell her how you feel, don't tell her how you feel. It's entirely up to you." Mrs. Landingham looked.

"You're right, it is up to me." Sam clasped his hands together as he rested his forearms on his knees. "And, considering that it's up to me, how can I knowingly risk hurting Ainsley in good conscience? Doesn't loving someone mean you do what's best for them, even at your own expense?"

' _And somehow you not being with her is what's best for her?_ ' C.J wrinkled her nose and knitted her eyebrows together.

Mrs. Landingham squared her shoulders. "Sam, you've got one life to live, so don't let your fragrant man swine of a father screw it up for you."

' _Fragrant man swine?_ ' Josh thought.

' _Mrs. Landingham's on a roll_.' C.J. applauded.

"Now if you really don't want to be with Ainsley because you don't have feelings for her, I respect that." Mrs. Landingham stood up. "But if you're running from this like a little boy because you're scared that it might be hard or you might screw up, then God, Sam, I don't even wanna know you."

"But-" Sam folded his lips inward.

Charlie entered the room. "Sorry to interrupt, but the Secret Service Agents dispatched to retrieve all White House employees from Boston just confirmed that they are on their way back with Ainsley. They'll be here in a few hours." He turned to Sam. "Sam, you should go see her."

Sam looked up. "Is it really that obvious?"

Charlie rested one hand on the doorway. "Yea, Sam. It really is. Go get 'er."

' _Oh my God, Sam. Grow some brass ovaries already._ ' "I swear to God, Sam. You have no idea how lucky you are. Some people have real obstacles that prevent them from being with the person they love." C.J. held out her hand to Josh. "And you still owe me $100."

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The pavement shined like silver as the rain pelted Sam down to his tan skin on her porch stoop as he thanked God that she was safe. ' _Ainsley, I… I love you. 'Ainsley, I love you?' That's all I can come up with? I'm the White House Deputy Communications Director, for cryin' out loud! If I can't do better than that, then I need to find a different job.'_ Sam's mind raced when three black SUVs pulled up. She stepped out of the car and locked eyes with Sam. ' _Sam_?' They stepped towards each other. "Hi." Ainsley whispered.

' _You have no idea how relieved I am to hear your voice, to see that you're safe. I just wanna hold you and never let go.'_ Sam stepped closer. "Hi. … I …. I don't know how to say this … so bear with me. … I thought….. the terrorist attack…... I almost… I almost lost you today, Ainsley." He stumbled. "You see, ever since you kicked my a** on Capital Beat, you changed my life forever. At first, I didn't quite know what to make of it at first, but almost losing you today made me realize that I have to tell you how I feel. I was scared shitless today, because a world without you is like a world without the sun. Or at least my world would have no sun… I'm babbling, I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Ainsley assured him.

"What I'm tryin' to say is that if I lost you, then I would've missed my chance to be with you. And I don't know what I'd do, because I'm in love with you."

"Well good, because I'm in love with you too, Seaborn." Ainsley wrapped her arms around his neck and he cupped her delicate cheek with one hand with the other wrapped around her waist as their lips ignited in a passionate kiss.

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What are your thoughts on the opener to this new installment?

Is it what you expected?


	2. Oil Tankers, Chickens, & Takeout- OH MY!

Series: The Best of Wives and The Best of Women

Story: Sam and Ainsley's Excellent Adventure Part 2

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to the West Wing, Hamilton (The Best of Wives and the Best of Women), Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (Sam and Ainsley's Excellent Adventure), or The Wizard of Oz (Oil Tankers, Chickens, and Takeout- OH, MY!)

This episode takes place in the context of Bad Moon Rising.

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' _What am I gonna do about the oil tanker situation? Am I gonna be subpoenaed?'_ His held the passenger door open for Ainsley. ' _Will I still be able to work at the White House? What's Ainsley gonna say?'_ *DI-DUuh-ddrrumm* He shut the car door.

"How was your day?" Ainsley inquired as he sat in the driver seat.

' _How was my day? Huh, let's see. ... Well, for starters, I'm the responsible for destroying Rehoboth Beach, the wildlife along the Delaware Coast, and the Delaware Tourism industry._ ' "Toby was on a rampage to find the leak for the school vouchers quote and we messed with C.J. when she was trying to find the leak." Sam chewed the inside of his cheek. "Not quite sure why he freaked out this much. I mean, leaks aren't unheard of in the White House. …. But then again, it's Toby."

' _I know why. I'm sorry, Babe. I really wanna tell you, but I can't. Please don't be mad at me when you find out_.' Ainsley rubbed her nose.

"How about you, Ainse?"

' _How was my day? Uhh …...let's see, I've been compiling documents for the upcoming MS hearings. But I can't tell you 'bout that yet because Leo said that they're goin' to tell you after the SME speech for the Progressive Caucus.'_ "It was good. I'm finally finished with the HR 437 analysis." Ainsley pursed her lips. ' _Change the subject real quick.'_ "You ordered the takeout?"

*tah-dah-tuh-duh-tah-dah-tuh-duh-dru-UUUUMMMMMMMMMM* Sam started the car.

"Sam?"

Sam twisted his torso to look over his shoulder as he back out of the parking spot. "Yeah?"

"Did you order the takeout?" Ainsley repeated.

"Oh. Yeah… I got the Tom Kha Gai soup, shrimp pad thai, thai ribs, coconut shrimp, and green coconut curry shrimp for you and Tom Yum soup and red curry for me, and mango sticky rice for dessert."

"You, my friend, are the perfect man."

' _Except I'm responsible for the oil spill in Delaware.'_ "That's all it takes to make you happy?" Sam asked. ' _She deserves so much more than that.' "_ Feeding you my bodyweight's worth of takeout?"

Ainsley gave him a side eye glare as he backed out of the parking space. "You'll find that I'm not pleasant when I'm hungry."

' _Don't say 'I know'. I'm in enough trouble already.'_ "I believe you. I just dunno where it all goes." ' _Like how is it physically possible to consume as much food as you do?'_

"Hey, you can't complain because it'll give me lots of stamina for later on tonight." Ainsley winked.

' _Or a side ache. Don't say that either.'_ Sam instructed himself.

"Hey did you hear 'bout that Kensington Oil ship that hit Delaware?" Ainsley noticed Sam stiffen. ' _What's the matter with him?'_

"Sam?" Ainsley asked.

"Yeah." His eyes fixated on the road. ' _Everyone's in it- Coast Guard, EPA, NTSB, state, local- but there are only so many pairs of hands and, you know, getting oil out of water. You try it sometime._ ' Sam replayed the conversation with the Coast Guard Officer.

"Are you okay?"

*tUUUNNnnnggkk-duh-tUUUNNnnnggkk-duh-tUUUNNnnnggkk-duh-* Sam put on his turn signal. "Yeah." ' _Clear on my left, not clear on my right.'_

"I asked if you heard about the ship that hit Delaware."

' _Clear on my left,'_ Sam looked over his right shoulder. ' _clear on my right.'_ "Oh. Yeah, I did." ' _Yup. And it's my fault.'_

"They announced tha' they're seeking damages." Ainsley said.

"How much?" Sam fretted.

"Who can say at this point, bu' if I had to guess, I'd say in the area of $100 million for cleanup costs, probably another three or $400 million punitive. …. I know how you feel about these things, trust me. Kensington's goin' to pay it through the nose."

' _Thanks to me, they're not.'_ "No, they're not." Sam corrected.

"I think you're wrong."

' _This is one of the few times when I'm right, Ainse.'_ "Somebody's gonna pay, an' it's not gonna be them."

"You think their liability shield's that strong?"

' _Without a doubt._ ' "I do." Sam insisted as he turned into the restaurant parking lot. *tUUUNNnnnggkk-duh-tUUUNNnnnggkk-duh-tUUUNNnnnggkk-duh-*

"How do you know?" Ainsley asked.

" 'Cause I'm the one who bought them the boat." Sam parked the car. "I bought the Indio for them when I was at Gage Whitney."

"Wow." Ainsley squeezed his hand. "Talk about your chickens comin' home to roost."

"In English?"

' _You're so funny_.' Ainsley rolled her eyes. "It means that it boomeranged back into your life."

"Yeah." ' _Exactly. Karma_.' "Hey, I know this is gonna sound crazy but I was thinking, if I could be deposed for the plaintiffs-"

' _I don't like where he's going with this.'_ "Why?" Ainsley asked.

"Because... Look, I was very proud of myself for making such a great deal and it really sealed it for me with the partners and they were about to make me one. And it really didn't bother me that the boat was cheap for a reason. But then, at the 11th hour, I had a change of heart. For whatever reason, I had a change of heart and I told them the boat wasn't good enough, particularly with regards to the steering and navigation systems, which, of course, they already knew, and I suggested they spend more money, and they said-"

Ainsley cut him off. "Stop talking right now!" ' _Please stop before you hurt yourself.'_

"...$11 million extra dollars." Sam finished.

"Sam-"

"They laughed me outta the room." Sam blurted out.

"Stop talking, or I'm walking out." Ainsley warned. ' _I just love you way too much to let you do this, especially given what's coming.' "_ You know better. Neither you, nor your clients, abdicated attorney-client privilege when you left Gage. If you gave that deposition, you'd be disbarred…. An' even if you were willing to be disbarred, there's no judge in the country who'd allow privileged testimony." ' _Babe, you gotta stop carrying the guilt and sins of the world. I know that you care and I love you for it, but you need to give yourself a break.'_

' _They should take my testimony. It's my fault. I should be punished.'_ "Ainsley, unless a company like this is forced to fork over so much money they don't want to go on living - unless they're compelled to pay $500 million - there's no incentive for them to pay the extra $11 million to make the boat safer!" Sam argued.

' _I know, Babe.'_ "Yes." Ainsley kissed his shoulder. ' _Babe, please, please, please don't get yourself into trouble. Now's definitely not the time. I mean I'll try to save your *** if you do, but pleeeassseee don't let it get to that point.'_

"All right." Sam got out to open Ainsley's car door. *DUH-fwwhhissshh* "It was just an idea."

Ainsley stepped out. ' _And a really bad one. I get where it's coming from; it's your moral compass and sense of righteousness. But as much as I love how committed you are to truth and justice, I'm gonna really need to you not go there. Especially right now.'_ *DI-DUuh-ddrrumm* Ainsley shut the car door. "Hey, you never know. …. With the liability shield? Maybe you're not as good as you think." They walked hand in hand towards the restaurant.

"Yeah, I am." Sam clasped the door handle.

"Babe, it's gonna be okay." Ainsley rubbed his other hand.

"I sure hope so."


	3. A Little Bit Me, A Little Bit You

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to the West Wing, Hamilton, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, or The Monkees (who sang A Little Bit Me, A Little Bit You, written by Neil Diamond).

This takes place in The Fall Is Gonna Kill You. However, the timing of events is slightly tweaked in the context of the original episode.

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The smell of air freshener blended with the mildew that surrounded the Steam pipe trunk distribution venue Ainsley opened a can of Fresca. *Knock, knock.* Sam rapped his knuckles on the metal door.

"Come in." Ainsley walked over to the filing cabinet. ' _Lemme just file away these documents for Babish, and we'll be good to go for lunch.'_ *chumm-wEEEEEEEEEEEEEee… swi…... WEEE-ur.* She pulled the filing cabinet open.

*trah tra cluck* Sam turned the door knob before he opened the creaky door. *rrRRRRRRRRR duh-duh-dud …..duh-dud-duh-dud ….dud-dud.* He beamed.

"Hey Babe." Ainsley's eyes twinkled as she filed away documents.

*tchaAAAHHH BAAAAA tch-cluck.* Sam closed the door.

"Whatchya so excited 'bout?" Ainsley inquired.

"First of all," Sam stepped closer to her. "the fact that I get to do this." *EEEE- uhh-cluck.* The filing cabinet closed as he pressed her against the filing cabinet and then kissed her.

"Oh," Ainsley caught her breath. "well you're welcome to do that anytime."

"Second of all," Sam smiled. "the CBO projections for the surplus came in."

"And...?"

"They're projecting them $200 Billion down for 8 years out and $400 Billion down for 9 years out." Sam answered with pride.

"Oh." Her body chilled as her eyes avoided him.

 _'Oh shit, I did something wrong.'_ He fretted. "Ainse? Didya hear me? I said-"

"Oh, I heard you." ' _Loud and clear.'_ Ainsley's words froze her breath as she returned to her desk.

"Did I say something wrong?" His eyebrows knitted together.

"I'm just confused as to why you're so excited about lower federal government tax revenue, 'cause I thought the goal of tax collection was to generate as much revenue as possible to pay for the roads, schools, programs, medicare, conservation efforts, and so on. Correct?" Ainsley asked straightened a stack of papers.

"Yes."

"So shouldn't the tax code be set up to generate as much revenue as possible?" Ainsley argued as she booted up her computer.

"Yes, but the fact is is that projections are down from the initial estimates. It's not great that we have less money, but it'll make the floor fight against the tax cuts easier- "

Ainsley tilted her head as her eyes narrowed. "I'm sorry, ... why's the floor fight the priority?"

"Because that's how we get legislation passed."

Ainsley heaved a sigh. "You know what I mean. Shouldn't we try to pass tax code legislation that'll generate as much revenue as possible? An' yes, the projections are down from the initial estimations, but what're the projections in comparison to a progressive tax code?" Ainsley took a deep breath. "This is what drives me crazy 'bout the Democratic Party. "

"What, that we ask the top 1% pay more taxes than the middle and working classes? I think they can bear to give up a little bit of their money." Sam argued. "Y'know, I used to pay that tax rate."

"I know, Sam. …. An' they may have more money, but what that theory doesn't account for is the fact that it doesn't encourage them to invest and grow their businesses and as a result, provide more jobs for the working and middle classes because if they did so they would increase their income. And why would they want to do that if it's just going to be taxed at penalizing rates? You know the reason we had so much economic growth in the 80's-"

"You Republicans sure love your fearless leader Ronald Reagan."

Ainsley's temper rose. "Well aren't you precious. You Republicans?"

' _I'm precious? That's sweet.'_ "Yes, you Republicans for some reason want to the rich to keep all of the money while Middle and working class families struggle to get by because some dead, rich actor said so."

"Oh, bless your heart." Ainsley snapped as her eyes caught fire.

' _Wait, 'aren't you precious' and 'bless your heart- was that southern code for sarcasm?'_

Ainsley continued. "First of all, I've always been a fan of Ronald Reagan, but since when was I his cult follower? Second of all, you do realize that he didn't exactly grow up with a silver spoon in his mouth, right? And third, even if you taxed millionaires an' billionaires at a rate of 100%, that'd fund the government for less than a year. But lowering taxes on the wealthy helps create jobs 'cause they won't have to worry about payin' a higher tax rate if they earn more profits. An' the more jobs they create, or raises and promotions they give, the fewer people who'll need government programs because they will be moving into the middle and even upper classes. ... Unless of course the true goal of the Democratic Party is to centralize power, which would explain why you would celebrate lower tax revenue projections."

All color drained from Sam's face with wounded eyes. "I can't believe you just said that." *TRAH TRA CLUCK rrRRRRRRRRR duh-duh-dud-duh-dud-duh-dud-dud-dud.* Sam opened the door and then stormed out of her office.

"Sam -" She called after him as he pounded up the stairs.

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*Clink, clack. Clink, clack. Clinkity-clink, clack-clack _.*_ Ainsley's typing resonated throughout the basement.

 _*_ Knock, knock. _*_ Delicate knuckles rapped on Ainsley's open door as she prepared legal documents for Babish, the White House Counsel. *Clink, clack. Clackity-clack, clink-clink.*

"Ainsley?" Donna asked.

Ainsley's head jolted up. "Oh hi, Donna!"

"Can I come in?"

"Is Sam wi' you?" Ainsley filed away the documents.

"Nope. I just came by to drop this off for Josh." Donna assured her. ' _Which is technically true.'_

"Oh, come in then!" Ainsley perked up.

"Where can I put these?" Donna stepped inside.

"On the desk is fine."

"Everything okay?" Donna asked.

"Yeah, Sam an' I just had our first fight." Ainsley answered.

"You wanna talk about it?" Donna offered. "Sam's still in meetings for a couple hours, so we won't run into him in the Mess."

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Ainsley placed their trays with takeout baskets on the metal table.

"Ainsley, you want ketchup? " Donna called from the condiment counter.

"Yes, please." Ainsley pulled in her chair.

"Ainsley, Donna!" C.J. called out to them. "Mind if I join you guys?"

"Yeah, absolutely!" Ainsley waved C.J. over.

"I'll be right over, lemme get my food first." C.J. got in line.

"What would you like, Miss Cregg?"

"I'll have a cheeseburger and fries." C.J. answered.

"Ainsley, what beer d'ya want?" Donna asked as Charlie got in line behind C.J. "They got Stouts and IPAs."

"Stout, please." Ainsley requested.

"C.J.?" Donna turned towards the register.

"I'll have an IPA." C.J. chose as Donna grabbed three beers from the cooler next to the condiment counter. "Carl, couldya please ring me up for a beer as well?"

"Yes, Miss Cregg. That'll be $16.75." Carl notified C.J. before she handed him her credit card.

Charlie stepped forward as C.J. stepped off to the side to wait for her order. "What would you like, Mr. Young?"

"I'll have a burrito an' a soda, please." Charlie replied.

"Carne Asada or Carnitas?" Carl asked.

"Carne Asada wi' chips, guacamole, an' salsa, please." Charlie selected.

"That'll be $11.50." Carl informed Charlie.

"C.J., I got your beer, napkins, and ketchup." Donna joined Ainsley at the table as Charlie paid for his food.

"Thanks, Donna." C.J replied from the order counter.

"Your welcome." Donna handed Ainsley her beer. "Here ya go."

"Thanks." Ainsley said as C.J. sat down.

"Your welcome, Ainsley." *Clee-clunk pphhhh*. Donna removed the bottle caps from her beer with her travel-sized bottle-opener. "Lemme get this straight." She passed Ainsley the bottle opener.

*pi-th-sp th-th.* The ketchup spat out of the bottle as Donna squirted it next to her fries. *Pamp _,_ pamp _.*_ She tapped the bottom of the bottle. "I'm gonna get more ketchup. I'll be right back." She brought the ketchup bottle to the register. "Carl, could we have more ketchup, please?"

"Yes, Miss Moss." Carl took the bottle and refilled it. "Here you go, Miss Moss."

"Thank you."

"Your welcome." Donna said before she returned to the table. "As I was saying, Sam referred to you as 'you Republicans' and then he called you a 'reaganite cult follower' -"

"Sam called you that? Whadda dumba**." *Clee-clunk pphhhh* _._ C.J. opened her beer. "Why's he being all pissy then?"

" 'Cause she said that the Democratic Party's true motive is to gain power." Donna explained.

C.J's eyes went wide. "Oh. ….. That explains a lot."

"Ya do realize why he got upset, right?" Donna asked. "Don't get me wrong, he was a real dumba** when he called you a reaganite cult follower." ' _That boy sure does stick his foot in his mouth, doesn't he? He would do well to bite down real hard instead of making an a** out of himself.'_

" 'Cause I challenged his world view of the Democratic Party." ' _And because he took it as a personal attack. Not that I meant it like that.'_ Ainsley ate her fries.

Donna shook her head. "Nope. When you said the 'Democratic Party', he took that as you saying that HE was perpetuating a fraud against the public for political power."

"But-" ' _he shoulda known that I didn't mean it like that.'_

"And that boy adores you with every fiber of his being and your opinion of him means everything to Sam." C.J. dabbed her lip corners with a napkin.

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The remaining daylight faded outside the Oval Office waiting room as Charlie and Mrs. Landingham sat at their desks.

*Shlipp-clum-click _._ * Sam closed the Oval Office door behind him with defeated eyes. "Don't ever have a girlfriend, Charlie."

"Whadya do, Sam?" Mrs. Landingham glared up at Sam from her desk.

"What'd I do?" Sam's jaw dropped. "Why'd you assume it was my fault?"

"Because we are men, and therefore, it's always our fault." Charlie organized paperwork in the filing cabinet.

"Bu-" Sam protested.

"Bu' seriously, man." *EEEE- uhh-cluck.* Charlie shut the filing cabinet. "I overheard Ainsley, Donna, and C.J. talking about it. …..This one's on you."

"Bu- But- uh-"

"A reaganite cult follower? …. Really Sam?" Charlie shook his head.

"I didn't say-"

"Doesn't matter. It's what she heard." Charlie advised. "Look, Sam. ... At the end of the day, does it really matter who's in the wrong here or not? Is that really the hill you want your relationship to die on?"

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*t-LEEP er-er-er* Ainsley's apartment intercom buzzed. "Ainsley, I'm sorry." Sam pleaded through the intercom. "Please, lemme come up. I brought food."

*BEEE er-er-er* Ainsley pressed the talk button. "Come on up." *ERRRZZZZZZ* She buzzed him in.

*Knock, knock.* Sam arrived at her door with takeout and ice cream. "Ainsley, I am so sorry. I was an asshole-"

Ainsley waved him off. "No, I'm the one who should apologize. ... But we should talk 'bout how we're going to handle talkin' politics in our relationship."

"First of all, I took it too personally, so don't apologize." He set down the bags with the ice cream and the takeout. "I shoulda known that you didn't mean me specifically. Second of all, I shouldn't have said 'You Republicans'. I was outta line. I'm sorry. Third, I don't think that talking politics something we can avoid. You're incredibly sexy when you get fired up about tax cuts and the Second Amendment." He wrapped his arms around her.

"You're absolutely right 'bout that –"

"Couldya repeat that?" He cupped one hand to his ear as the hand that held the bags of takeout and ice cream rested on her hip . "Didya just say that I was right?"

"Yes, Sam. You can brag that, in addition to the fact that the girl who kicked your ass on National TV is your girlfriend, that she said you were right. The lovely people of Kirkland, California- your home state I might add- would be happy to hear about it." She said.

"Way to build up a guy's self esteem." He pouted.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Anyway, I was thinkin' that we should agree that it's okay to have debates as long we respect each other's opinions and don't make personal attacks. And if we mess up, which'll happen because I'm not perfect-"

"I respectfully disagree. You're the one single angel amidst a mob of dwarves, rats and droves of the swamp dwelling creatures of Washington DC." He said with pure, humble adoration for the love of his life.

"Well what about you, Sam? Are you perfect? Anyway. We'll have to agree never go to bed angry-"

"But what about all of the angry sex we'll miss out on?" He whispered with a cheeky grin.

"Samuel, you're not gettin' any if I'm mad at you." She asserted. "Anyway. We'll always kiss goodnight."

"But what if I wanna do more than that?"

"Say-um." She rolled her eyes up at him in a glare.

"And do I only get to kiss you good night after we've had a fight?"

"Sam."

"Yes. That's my name, don't wear it out." His voice dropped to a low whisper into her ear, making her blush. "Although you might do that tonight."

"Samuel!" Her face turned deep red.

His voice returned to a normal volume. "One more question. I just want to make sure that I understand the rules correctly, Miss Ainsley Hayes... Do I have to wait until we go to bed before I can kiss you? 'Cause I dunno if I can do that."

"Would you like to kiss me, Samuel?"

"Yes please." He pleaded.

"Then shuddup an' kiss me, d***it."

"Yes ma'am." He obliged as she grasped his auburn hair and he backed her up against the wall.

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1) Who was right? Who was wrong? Were you surprised by how they reacted? (As in Sam, Ainsley, or both)

2) Which character(Donna CJ Charlie or Mrs. Landingham) had the best insight/criticism?

3) Were you surprised by the insight/criticism that they gave?

4) What was/were your favorite line(s) of the chapter?


	4. Through the Fields of Destruction

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to the West Wing, Hamilton, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, or the Dire Straits (the song Brothers in Arms, lyrics 'Through the Fields of Destruction, the Baptisms of Fire'.

This takes place within the context of the 18th and Potomac, Two Cathedrals, and Manchester Part 1 ( The very, very beginning).

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An absent-minded, despondent Sam walked past Toby to the Steam Pipe Trunk Distribution Venue from the Oval Office as the fading daylight filtered through the Lobby. _'Surely they've told her by now... that's why she's been working so late.'_ He descended into the must of the dark labyrinth that led to her office as he felt the pang of the guilt for what this would do to her reputation. The words that the President had recited to him continued to replay in his mind, ' Sam, around ten years ago, for a period of a few months, I was feeling run down and I had a pain in my leg. They both eventually subsided, but then eight years ago, the pain came back, as well as numbness. My vision would be blurry sometimes and I'd get dizzy. During an eye exam, the doctor detected abnormal pupil responses and ordered an MRI. The radiologist found plaque on my brain and spine. I have a relapsing-remitting course of Multiple Sclerosis.' as he stood before Ainsley's office door for a few moments.

*Knock knock* His limp hand knocked on the cold metal door.

"Come in." Ainsley organized legal documents on her desk.

"Hey, Babe." ' _He knows.'_ She stood up, and without another word, she hugged him as he stroked her hair.

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Daylight faded outside the Mess window as Bonnie, Donna, and Ginger sat down with their trays.

"Haitian civilians riot in the streets of Port-Au-Prince in the wake of their first free election while newly elected President Dessaline seeks asylum in the US embassy." Foreign Correspondent Christine Amanpour reported.

Ainsley set the ketchup and napkins down on the metal table in the Mess. "So Senior Staff's meeting with Leo and Jed at 9, you said?"

 _'_ _Probably about Haiti.'_ Bonnie guessed.

"Yup." Donna answered.

"And then Bonnie and I have a meeting with Toby." Ginger turned to Donna. "Didya have your meeting yet? How long did it take?"

' _For what? For Toby to tell you that the President has MS_?' "Not long. Mayyybbeee 15 minutes." Donna made eye contact with Ainsley.

' _So they told you?'_ Ainsley thought before she got up to get napkins.

Toby, C.J., and Sam walked in the Mess when Ainsley put a hand on Sam's arm. "Hey Babe, how are-"

Sam cut her off as he got in line at the register. "Sorry, Ainsley. I only got a few minutes before-"

' _Baby, I'm sorry._ ' Ainsley pleaded.

' _Don't be pissed at her, Sam._ ' C.J. grimaced as Josh joined them.

"Before you have to go meet with Leo and Jed." Ainsley finished.

"Yeah." Sam turned to Carl. "I'll have a slice of pizza and a Coke."

"What type, Mr. Seaborn?"

"Whatever ya got already made. I don't have time to wait for a fresh one."

"That'll be $10.50." Carl pulled a slice of pizza out of the warmer and a Coke out of the fridge.

"Thanks." Sam handed Carl a twenty dollar bill. "Keep the change." He left with his food as C.J. step forward in line.

' _What the h**l?'_ Bonnie thought.

' _What just happened? Am I missing something?'_ Ginger furrowed her brow.

"I'll have a slice of Supreme pizza and a coke, please." C.J. requested.

"That'll be $10.50." Carl handed C.J. her pizza and soda.

C.J. gathered her napkins, pizza, and soda before she stopped by their table. "Sorry 'bout that, Ainsley. I'll talk to him." ' _And smack'im upside the head.'_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The rain avalanched from the heavens and penetrated Sam's raincoat while he stood as a mighty presence in the face of the coming storm. The thunder drowned out the sound of the footsteps coming towards him as Ainsley singing 'On Eagles Wings' at the funeral replayed in his mind.

"Hey." Ainsley intertwined her fingers with his as she kissed his shoulder.

"Hey." His half-lidded eyes stared down the storm. ' _Is this an omen, God? What the h**l have I dragged Ainsley into?'_

"I'm sorry." Ainsley whispered.

' _For what?'_ He turned towards her as she stood beside him in a red trench coat with an umbrella in her other hand. "Ainse, you're gonna get soaked."

Ainsley shrugged. "If you get soaked, I get soaked." ' _We're in this together, Buddy.'_ She squeezed his hand. "And besides, that's why I'm wearing my raincoat an' why I brought two person umbrella. …. You an' Charlie both did a lovely job with the Readings at the Service."

' _It's good to know that my communication skills are good for something, if they're not being used to purchase crappy boats or to perpetuate a fraud against the public.'_ "Thank you. So did you with your singing." He kissed her black and white leather-gloved hand. "Are you singing again at the private service this weekend?"

"Yes." She nodded. "Climb Every Mountain, Edelweiss, Amazing Grace, and Over the Rainbow." They stood there in silence for a minute. "How are you hangin' in there?"

"Fine." Sam chewed his inner cheek.

' _B***s***._ ' "Is he ready?"

"For what? The Press Conference?"

"Yea, an' what comes next."

' _What does come next, Ainsley? Are we gonna have to celebrate our anniversary with me behind bars? I wanna give you so much more than that.'_ "I guess." ' _Not like we have much of a choice. But if it ever gets that far, I'll make sure that you can go on with your life.'_

"Sam, you are The White House Deputy Director of Communications and a prolific speechwriter, and all you can give me is 'fine' and 'I guess'? Come on Sam, don't b***s*** me or shut me out. B***s*** everyone else. But don't you dare b***s*** me."

"I'm fine, really. There's no need for you to be worried about me. I don't want you to worry." Sam attempted to reassure her. "I'm sorry that I've dragged you into this."

"An' how did you drag me into this? Did you knowingly conceal the MS?" Ainsley asked.

"No, but-" ' _I shoulda shielded you from this somehow.'_

"Sam. Look at me. You an' I are a team. We're in this together, no matter what happens. I'll have this administration's back, but more importantly, I have your back. No matter what." Ainsley pledged as he took her in his arms. "It's gonna be okay."

"Ainsley-"

"Sam, I'm serious here. Don't b***s*** me." Ainsley touched his cheek.

"To answer your question, I don't know how I feel about the MS scandal yet. I feel hurt and betrayed, but also scared." Sam answered.

"I'm sorry, Babe, I really am."

"Ainsley, it's okay. It's not your fault. I was a jacka**, and I shouldn't have blamed you for them not telling me. And as for being ready, no. But I dunno if you're ever ready to tell the American people you've lied like this." Sam took a deep breath. "And, even though we haven't been together long, I was gonna ask you if I told you lately how much I love you."

"Oh." Ainsley tilted her head downward. "Well yes. But a girl could always use a reminder."

"Oh really. That's good to know."

"But I think it's only rivaled by how much I love you."

Sam quirked an eyebrow. "Is that so? Interesting."

"Why do you say that?"

" 'Cause it's not possible."

"What isn't?"

Sam replied. "For anyone to love someone as much as I love you."

"Oh, I beg to differ. Can we agree to share the first place prize for how much we love each other?"

"Ok. Deal." Sam kissed her temple as he held her in his protective embrace for a moment before he checked his watch. "Hey Ainsley, it's time."

Their hands stayed clasped as they joined the rest of the West Wing staff en route to the Presidential Motorcade. Sam held the limo door open for Ainsley and then sat next to her in the back seat.

*tah-dah-tuh-duh-tah-dah-tuh-duh-dru-UUUUMMMMMMMMMM* The driver started limousine engine. Their hands clung to each other on their way to the Press Conference for the MS Scandal when Sam finally spoke. "Didya know Mrs. Landingham was the one who made me come to my senses and tell you how I felt about you?"

"I always liked her. I wish I could've gotten to know her better."

"She really liked you. She said, 'Sam you've only got one life to live, so don't your piece of shit father screw it up for you. Now if you really don't want to be with Ainsley because you don't have feelings for her, I respect that. But if you're running from this like a little boy because you're scared that it might be hard or you might screw up, then God, Sam, I don't even want to know you.' "

"Boy, did she hit the nail on the head." She looked at him for a moment. "Sam, it's goin' to be okay. The tigers'll come out, with voices as soft as thunder, but it's nothing we can't handle." When they arrived, he hugged her and then gave her a soft kiss before the driver let them out of the limousine.

"Whatever happens, Babe, I love you." ' _In case you need a reminder.'_

Ainsley chuckled. ' _As if I could ever forget.'_ "I love you too."

Sam clung to her hand for dear life as they walked in formation with Leo, Josh, Toby, and Charlie with President Bartlet and the Secret Service.

President Bartlet stood to the side of the stage. "Okay, here now, the President of the United States." CJ announced from the podium. "Front row, on your right." She whispered as she passed the President. ' _Take the first question from Lawrence Altman, the Times medical correspondent. Just like we planned.'_

The camera flashes lit up the room as if it were a cub scout camping trip where the scouts had just been given their first chance to use their flashlights as the President, drenched from the rain, stepped up to the podium.

"Yes, Sandy." He pointed to a reporter. ' _Yes, C.J., I know that Sandy is not Lawrence Altman, the Times medical correspondent. It's game time, and I'm ready to go.'_

' _What is he doing? Did none of the advice I just gave get through?'_ C.J. fretted.

"Mr. President, can you tell us right now if you'll be seeking a second term?"

"I'm sorry, Sandy, there was a little bi' of noise there, can you repeat the question?"

' _Oh, please don't let there be a story about how he couldn't hear the question because of the MS.'_ C.J. dreaded. ' _But what if that was the reason?'_

"Yes, sir, can you tell us right now if you'll be seeking a second term?" The reporter repeated.

The audience stood in anticipation of his response as he put his hands in his pockets, looked away, and smiled as Ainsley squeezed Sam's hand. "Yeah. And I'm goin' to win." The President of the United States proclaimed.


	5. For A Scooby Snack?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to West Wing, Hamilton, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, or Scooby Doo.

Cw: Mild sexual inneundos

This takes place in the context of The Manchester Part 1.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

*bbrRRIINNNNGGG…. bbrRRIINNNNGGG….* Ainsley's phone rang. "I have Ms. Cregg calling for you from Air Force One." The Air Force One Communications Service Officer informed her. "I have Ms. Hayes for you, Ms. Cregg. Go ahead."

*BEEEEEPPPP*.

"Hey, Ainsley." C.J. said.

"Oh hi! How's Sam hangin' in there?" Ainsley asked.

"Well, if anyone asks, the speech is almost done everyone's getting along great." C.J. spoke of the campaign strategists that Leo brought in.

"In other words, Toby and Sam want to throw Doug out the window." Ainsley said.

"Yeah."

"An' how are you hangin' there, C.J.?"

"Like I wanna hide in a hole." ' _How can I feel any different after saying that 'The President's relieved to be focusing on something that matters. in regards to the Haiti Election crisis vs the MS Scandal?'_

"Don't be so hard on yourself." Ainsley comforted C.J. "Should I come up there, for moral support? Do you think that'll help?"

"That'd probably be a good idea, or at least talk him down when we're done talking." C.J. concurred. "But I was actually calling you 'cause I have a legal question for you."

"Oh."

"The FDA's signing off on RU-486 on Monday."

"Monday, as in …. this Monday?" Ainsley inquired.

"Yeah."

"I wouldn't get within spittin' distance of that if I were you." Ainsley advised.

C.J scrunched her brow. "Huh?"

"It means that y'all don't want anything to do with that." Ainsley explained.

"Oh, then yea, that's what I think too." C.J. agreed. "I told the reporter that I could get in trouble for even knowing that information, but the source insists that I'll be fine because it's 'non-proprietary information from a non-governmental source.' Is that true?"

"Yes, technically, you're allowed to know. Just don't do anything 'bout it. …. So they're announcing on Monday?"

"Yup."

"The Monday that y'all are launching the campaign on?"

"Yeah." C.J. confirmed.

"Josh's goin' to be pissed."

"Oh, he's already pissed."

"But nonetheless, right now's a time when y'all don't want any doubts regarding the legality of this administration's campaign practices." Ainsley reiterated.

"Josh says it'll look like the campaign screwed up."

"If anyone says that, you just tell'em that the Bartlet Administration respected the Constitution's restrictions on the Executive Branch. And tell Josh that the White House respecting the Constitution far outweighs our ability to control the news cycle, both for ethics and optics." Ainsley said. "Sam's throwing a hissy fit, you said?"

"Yeah. He screamed 'This thing reads like an Andy Williams special. We're starting all over again with a white piece of paper!' before he threw the papers in the air and stormed off."

"Oh, Good Lord, Sam. Always a flair for the melodrama and hyperbole. But what can I say, I love that man with all my heart."

' _It's so cute.'_ C.J. chuckled. ' _I'm glad that Sam has you, in the midst of all this insanity.'_

"Can I talk to 'im, when he has a moment?"

"Sure. One sec, he just walked in." C.J. turned to Sam. "Sam, Ainsley's on the phone an' wants to talk to you." She handed Sam the phone before shestepped out of the room.

"Hey, Babe."

"Hey. How're you hangin' in there? Is Doug still in one piece?"

"Just barely. Depends on if Toby can bribe the Air Force One staff to let him throw Doug out the emergency exit door."

"Sam."

"Kidding."

"Hmm. Are you goin' to at least try to mend the fences and work with'im?"

"Yes. … I'll try." Sam grumbled. "I miss you. I mean I know I got on the plane an hour ago, but-"

"Yeah. I miss you, too." Ainsley said. "Should I come up, you know, for the campaign launch this weekend? … At the very least I can keep you from beating up Doug… I can beat you up if I need to, y'know."

"I have no doubt about that." ' _You certainly have proven yourself capable …. y'know, I'm just gonna stop before I hurt myself.'_

"So…. it's okay wi' you if I come up?" Ainsley asked.

"Yes, I'd love that. …. I miss you."

"I miss you too, Babe." Ainsley smiled.

"Hey, Toby's calling for me to get back to work on the speech." Sam said.

"Promise to play nice?"

"For a Scooby Snack?"

"An' if you're a very good boy, I'll do you one better than a Scooby Snack."

"Ainsley Hayes," Sam gasped. "are you talking dirty to me while I'm on Air Force One? "

"Sam…"

"You naughty-"

"Sam. The speech." Ainsley reminded him.

"Yeah. Okay, I'm done now. I'll call you tonight when we get to the hotel."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

*tuh-cluh-ICK….. ooooohhmmmmm…* They hung up the phones.


	6. Eat Lightning and Cxxp Thunder

Eat Lightning and Cxxp Thunder

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to the West Wing, Hamilton, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, Rocky, or any pop culture reference made in this story.

CW: Mild sexual intimacy and language

This takes place in the Manchester Part 1 and Part 2 episodes.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ainsley walked down the stairs to the Manchester Airport baggage claim where Sam was waiting for her with a bouquet of yellow and pink tulips in hand.

"Hey, handsome stranger. I feel like I haven't seen you in a month of Sundays!" Ainsley wrapped her arms around him. "I love the flowers, Sam. They're beautiful."

"You like them? The yellow ones are 'Sunshine Tulips' so naturally, I had to get'em for my Sunshine." Sam kissed her temple.

"Oh really."

"Yeah." Sam smiled.

"Your Sunshine? Sunshine tulips? ... Didya just make that up?"

"Yes, my Sunshine. And, no, I did not make that up. I got'em at the Depot Farm Stand in Merrimack on the way here, you can ask the nice lady who rang me up if you don't believe me. …. An' you're right. They're beautiful, but not as beautiful as you."

Ainsley blushed as her face melted into his chest. "Oh Seaborn, you make me weak. I missed you."

"Not as much as I missed you." He squeezed her tight.

She looked up at him. "Oh really? I dunno if I believe you, Seaborn. …. You are,... in fact, a politician."

Sam cupped her cheeks before he slid his fingers slid into her hair and he kissed her so fiercely that she let out a moan that only he could hear and left her breathless. His cornflower blue gaze pierced her emerald green eyes as he held her secure in his embrace, "Now d'ya believe me?" She nodded as she listened to his heartbeat. "Ainsley, always know I'm the one politician you can always trust."

"Even though you're a Democrat. "

"Yes, even though I'm a Democrat." He chuckled.

"Oh, there's my suitcase!" She walked toward a black and cream leather bag.

XXXXXXXXXX

Ainsley wore Sam's leather jacket as she and Sam breathed in the late spring, early summer night air and they strolled through the Bartlet Family Farm with their hands intertwined. Sam followed her lead the fence. "What're you thinking about, Ainse?" He inquired as she rested her arms on the fence.

"Oh, nothin'." Ainsley shrugged.

"Ainsley..." Sam tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Really, Sam. Nothin's the matter." She insisted.

"Ainsley, come on. Don't talk to me like I'm other people."

"Seriously, Sam. I don't wanna talk 'bout it an' stress you out."

"Well, now y'got me worried, Hayes."

"There's nothin' for you to worry 'bout." She insisted.

' _Then why'd you say that you 'don't wanna stress me out'?'_ He looked her in the eye. "Don't get cute with me, and don't even think of calling me the Master. That, and your other little tricks, won't work this time."

Her fingers stroked his chest. "Are you sure 'bout that," She blinked with a flutter of her eyes. "Mas-ter?"

' _Stay strong.'_ "Yes….. Look at my face right now."

They held each other's gaze until she relented. "Okay, I'll tell you, …. but you have to promise not to get mad or defensive."

"Okay…" His brow furrowed.

She took a deep breath. "First, I want to clarify that I'll respect whatever decision the President makes regarding the MS scandal, an' I'll only offer my opinion if asked. But, since you asked, I reckon he should apologize for hidin' his MS because many people get frustrated when politicians have the 'Laws and ethics are for little people' mentality. The people want their government to understand that they the politicians serve them. We all make mistakes, Sam, but it's expected that when we do, that we say sorry. If he apologizes, the people will appreciate that he accepted personal responsibility for his actions. I'm not sayin' that it'll guarantee his victory. I'm just sayin' that apologizin'll give'im his best chance." ' _Also, I know that you've agreed with me on this from the beginning but you jus' don't wanna admit it.'_ Ainsley rubbed his arm. "Look, Sam, I don't wanna argue 'bout this. I have less than 48 hours to spend with you before I have to fly back on Sunday an' we're goin' ta be asleep for about 12 of those hours-"

"Oh I don't think we'll be sleeping that much." He adorned the nape of her neck with kisses as his hands caressed her hips.

'You're not mad?' Ainsley thought.

"But I don't need that much sleep; I got a lotta stamina."

"Sam!" She scolded.

"Yes, I know, I've been –" He teased.

She glared at him as he admired the moonlight's illumination of her porcelain face. "Someone'll hear you!"

"And you're gonna punish me good for it, right?" He gave her a cheeky grin.

"Anyway, I don't wanna waste what little, precious time I have left with you on arguing. But one more thing- I meant it when I promised you that I'm going to do whatever I have to do to get Jed reelected and more importantly, I'm standing by you no matter what happens."

"Hey, I thought we weren't talking about this anymore? I remember something about how in less than 48 hours, 12 of which will be wasted sleeping, my brilliant, sexy girlfriend who loves me so much that she will walk through h*** and back with me," His hands slid in her pants. "and who I want to do such naughty things to tonight," He murmured in her ear before he returned to a normal volume. "is going back to DC soon. And this beautiful, amazing woman should also know that I will do the same for her."

"You're right. No more shop talk."

"I think that's the second time in our relationship you've said that to me."

"You should relish this moment."

"Oh Miss Ainsley Hayes, I plan to relish every moment I have with you."

They stood in silence for few moments as Ainsley remained wrapped in his secure embrace when he asked, "Ainsley, how long has that been bothering you?"

"Oh…." She looked down. "Not too long."

"Ainse. Don't b***s*** me or shut me out. B***s*** other people. But don't you _dare_ b***s*** me."

"After the President announced his reelection campaign."

"Ainsley!" Sam's eyes bugged out of his head. "That was weeks ago! You gotta tell me this stuff."

"You've been dealin' with enough. I didn't wanna burden you."

"Oh, Ainsley." He cradled her in his arms and stroked her hair. "As your boyfriend, I want you to burden me with everything in that beautiful mind that's always at work. I wanna know every thought, so I can share mine with you; every fear, so I can put them to rest; every need, so you will want for nothing; and every hope, wish and dream, so that I can make them come true. You're my sweetheart. I want to give you everything, but I can only do that if you tell me."

"D***, Seaborn. You could charm the honey right out of the beehive."

"Hey, I pull out all the stops for you."

"I'm your Sweetheart, aaannndd your Sunshine? You must reeeeaaaalllyy love me."

"D*** straight I do."

"I like it. And I promise from now on, I'll share all of that with you as long as you promise me the same thing, oh writer of great oratory." She checked her watch. "Hey, it's getting late. We should probably go back to the hotel. You have a big day tomorrow."

"Let's be real, Hayes. That's not the real reason you're anxious to get back." He pulled her to him to kiss the temple of her bright red face.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Bartlet wore a Notre Dame quarter zip sweatshirt with a bag of carrots in one hand and his other hand his pocket when he entered the stable where Ainsley fed carrots to a Thoroughbred after her morning run. "Ziggy likes you. D'ya ride?"

"Not as much as I'd like, but I did in high school."

"Same thing with Zoey and Ziggy." Bartlet stroked Ziggy's muzzle and then his mane. "So why're you up so early?"

"When your daddy's a retired admiral who runs the household like a naval ship, an' you're a retired Naval Fighter Pilot, you get used getting up early. Daddy believes that if something really matters to you, you'll get up at 5 am to pursue it."

"Smart man. And it looks like he raised you well. Look, I was hopin' you could give me some advice on something. Don't worry, nothing you say'll count against you. I want your honest opinion. Why don't we take the horses ou' for a trail ride?"

"Yes sir."

XXXXXXXXXXX

*CLOP-DUH clip-duh clip-duh clip-duh CLOP-DUH clip-duh clip-duh clip-duh …. CLOP-duh… CLOP-duh… CLOP-duh… CLOP-duh…* They slowed from a trot to a walk as they gazed out at the apple trees that were wet with the morning dew and the sunrise in the background.

"I want your honest opinion 'cause my staff are too blinded by loyalty and Bruno and that Doug are very hard to get along with. But at the same time, I need them, because he's able to understand the public's perspective. Now, as I said, I'm going to be blunt and I expect an honest answer. ….. Ainsley, d'you think I should apologize for concealing my MS from the public?" Jed asked.

"Sir, I want to start off by saying that I think you're in an incredibly difficult position. But since you asked, ... yes, I reckon you should apologize. The people understand that everyone makes mistakes, but they expect you to take responsibility. They want their elected officials to be held to the same standards as they are, if not a higher standard. Politicians aren't Kings, an' they're not Gods. We have no Divine Right of Kings in this country for a reason, and that reason is because our leaders can't just declare their will into law and call it the Word of God."

He pondered this as he held an apple blossom in his hand. "So did you ride competitively in high school?"

' _I said my piece, what he does with it is up to him.'_ "Yes sir, Hunter Jumpers."

"Zoey too." He put his hands in his pockets and smiled as he looked out at the sunrise. "Thank you, Ainsley. That's exactly the type of counsel tha' I've been missing and I could really use someone, besides Hoynes, who understands the South. How would you feel abou' joining my Presidential Campaign as an advisor?"

' _Huh?'_ "I'm honored Mr. President, but I'd have to talk 'bout it with Sam first."

"Of course."

"And Mr. President?"

"Yes?"

"If I do join the campaign, aren't you concerned 'bout people sayin' that you're betraying the Democratic Party or that Bruno and his staff'll think I'm a Republican spy?"

He looked out at the orchard as he stuck his hands back in his pockets before he looked back at her. "No. And anyone who does can go to h**l."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ainsley tiptoed back into her bed and laid her head back on Sam's chest as the midsummer sunlight danced on his auburn hair. At the sense of her familiar touch and scent mixed with the smell of horses and carrots, Sam mumbled, "Ainse?"

"Shhhh…. go back to sleep, Baby." She kissed his cheek and stroked his hair.

"What time is it?" He grumbled with half-closed eyes.

"7:20."

"How long have you been up?" He sat up.

"Since 5."

"Since 5?" He reached for his glasses.

"Yeah, an' then I went for a run at 5:15 and then on a trail ride with the President." She answered.

' _God, she's gorgeous.'_ He leaned in and kissed her.

"I know we said no more shop talk this weekend, because I definitely want to be doin' that-"

"Then why don't we?" He rolled her onto her back as one hand slipped under her jeans.

"huuhhh-UUUHHH." She sighed. "Sayyy-umm."

"Can't you see I'm a little busy?" His kisses migrated to her neck.

"Sam." She asserted.

Sam back sat up. "Oh…. I'm sorry." His chin tucked in as he looked down.

"Nothing to apologize for, Babe. An' yes, I did see that, an' it was wonderful. I can't wait to get back to that. ….. But ...I need to talk ta you 'bout something first. Hear me out, but before I continue, I wanna be clear that I'll only go forward with this if you say it's okay."

"Okay…"

"While on the trail ride this mornin', Jed asked for some advice on the MS scandal and the campaign. So I told him basically what I told you last, 'bout how apologizing will give his best chance at reelection. Anyway, Jed offered me a position on the campaign because he needs someone can be objective but who can get along with his staff." Ainsley explained. "So what do you think, Sam? Would it be okay with you if I joined the team? ….Again, I'll only do it if you're okay with it."

"Babe, …. why are you asking for permission to advance your career?"

"We both know that the work we're doing here's bigger than just our careers. We're running the country, so what's best for the country comes before my career. I've also heard stories 'bout all the problems that y'all had when Mandy and Josh were dating while they were on the Campaign Trail. I wouldn't wanna do the same thing. And I reckon part of bein' in a relationship means including your partner in your decisions."

"First off, the fact that you think this way is one of the many reasons why I love you." Sam kissed her knuckles. "And another thing, we're nothing like Josh and Mandy. At all. We would also get to see each other more often. …. And from a campaign strategy point of view, you could help us get Conservatives and the Southern vote."

"Is that a yes?"

"If you want to don't mind being stuck with a Democrat shmuck like me-"

"You're not a shmuck-"

"Ainsley, we're all shmucks compared to you."

"Oh, Sam." She kissed his cheek as she straddled his lap. "I seem to recall that I'm in something called a relationship with one of the staffers, so they can't all be that bad." Her kisses continued down his neck.

"Oh, who would that be? Who'd be lucky enough to date you?"

"The really hot, brilliant speechwriter. I think his name is Sam Seaborn. The one who all the junior staffers fantasize about." She took off his glasses.

"Oh, a little jealous, are we?" He murmured into her hair. "Allow me to remedy that, because I only have eyes for you." He flipped her onto her back. "Whoever this Seaborn character is, he's the luckiest bastard alive. You be sure to remind him of that."

"Oh, I think he knows. He should also know that he has made me the luckiest girl alive."

' _Hey, I try.'_

XXXXXXXXXXX

Ainsley entered the barn as Jed, Leo, and Bruno reviewed the draft of the speech. "Mr. President, I've decided to join the campaign."

"I'm happy to hear it."

"It really is an honor, Sir. I'm glad to be on the team." She replied. "Anyway, I'll let you get back to your work."

As she turned to go, he said, "You know one day it's gonna be you who runs for President and you'll do great things for this country."

"You really think so?"

"I know so."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXx  
"...to fall victim to torpor and timidity." "Torpor"... is not a word a lot of people know." Doug read the speech as he sat on the edge of the teacher desk.

"It means apathy." Sam creased his forehead and brow as Ainsley stood in the back.

' _What's she doing here?'_ Doug glanced at Ainsley.

"And dullness." Toby clasped a rolled up copy of the speech.

"I know what it means." ' _I'm not the one you have to worry about here.'_

"Doug means…"

Doug cut Connie off. "They know what I mean." ' _Do you always have to play nice all the time?'_

"Hey." C.J. closed the door behind her as Leo and Toby looked up without saying anything.

"If they don't know what the word means…" Doug explained.

' _You know that the average American isn't Homer Simpson, right?'_

"What's the word?" C.J. asked.

' _Do we have to go through this again?'_ Doug bemoaned.

Josh sipped his water. "Torpor."

"It means apathy." Sam said.

"And dullness." Toby added.

' _Yes, you've told me. But not everyone in America has a dictionary in their brain.'_

' _Wouldya just shuddup already, Doug?'_ Bruno thought.

Doug raised his voice. "I know what the word means." ' _Pretty sure if she doesn't, along with the rest of her party.'_ He glanced at Ainsley. ' _Look, folks! A real life Barbie doll working for the President!_ …..' "I'm saying if people don't know what the word means…"

Everyone stood up as Bartlet strode through a door. "They can look it up!" He finished Doug's sentence and stopped next to the teacher's desk.

' _Are ya kidding me, Doug?'_ Bruno grimaced. ' _You can't stop running ya mouth for one second?'_

"Good morning, Mr. President." Everyone said.

"It's not our job to appeal to the lowest common denominator, Doug. It's our job to raise it. If you're going to be the "Education President," it'd be nice not to hide that you have an education." Jed gestured to Bruno, Connie, and Doug to leave. "Bruno, wouldya mind?"

' _C'mon Doug, or I'll drag ya out by your ear.'_ Bruno gritted his teeth.

' _Why does that Republican bimbo get to stay?'_ Doug grumbled as they walked out. ' _Perks of sleeping with a Senior Staffer.'_

Bartlet sighed as he leaned against the teacher's desk with Abraham Lincoln's portrait behind him. "Churchill and FDR: serious men using big words for big purpose. ….." He sighed again. "It occurs to me, I never said "I'm sorry." ... I am. …. For the lawyers, for the press, for the mess, for the fear. And so I've decided that I'm gonna apologize, not just to you, but to the Nation. Bruno, Doug, Connie: these guys are good. They wanna win. So do we. The only thing we want more is to be right. I wonder if you can't do both." He stood up. "There's a new book, and we're gonna write it. You can win if you run a smart, disciplined campaign, if you studiously say nothing - nothing that causes you trouble, nothing that's a gaffe, nothing that shows you might think the wrong thing, nothing that shows you think. But it just isn't worthy of us, is it, Toby?"

"No, sir." Toby said.

"It isn't worthy of us, it isn't worthy of America, it isn't worthy of a great nation. We're gonna write a new book, right here, right now." Jed continued. "And another thing- I am proud to announce that Ainsley's joining the campaign." They all clapped for Ainsley.

' _That's my woman.'_ Sam beamed. ' _I'm so proud of you, Babe.'_

"Sir?" An aide poked his head in the classroom.

' _Ready, Rocky?'_ Leo thought.

Bartlet nodded at the aide before he looked at Leo. ' _It's game time, Mickey.'_

"...it is my pleasure and my great fortune to introduce my husband, our friend, New Hampshire's greatest son, and the President of the United States: Josiah Bartlet." Abbey proclaimed over the crowd's cheers.

President Bartlet marched towards the door as he buttoned his jacket. Charlie followed suit when Bartlet stopped in the doorway to face his staff. "Y'know what? Break's over." ' _Bring it, America.'_


	7. Donna's House of Boxes

ETA: There were some errors and issues with the initial upload of this chapter. This is the fixed version.

Donna's House of Boxes

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to the West Wing, Hamilton, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, or the 1946 film 'House of Horrors' directed by Jean Yarbrough.

Note: This episode takes place within the Season 3 episode 'Ways and Means'.

CW: Teen rating, sexual tension, and mild intimacy, SFW

XXXXXXXXXXX

*Ssshhhreee...swiisshhhh… shrep…. shreee* Papers rustled as Donna retrieved a box from a shelf in the OEOB storage room.

*trah tra cluck … dru-RUUUUMMMEE*Josh raised his eyebrows as he opened the door. ' _Did it swallow her whole….?'_ "...Donna?"

Donna's teeth held a pen. "Yeah!"

' _Y'know they serve food if here, no need-ta eat your pen._ ' "What's going on?"

BLUMP* Donna plopped the box on the desk. "Well, ... in one of these boxes are the President's public schedules, ... an' in one of these boxes are his publicly issued schedules ta see if there are inconsistencies between the two." She capped the pen.

Josh blinked. "Were you here all night?"

"Is it daytime?"

He creased his brows. ' _I'll take that as a yes._ ' "It's ….. 7:30."

' _Am or pm?'_ Donna jotted down notes. "Usually when I stay up all night I'm able to pass a 19th century English literature midterm….Josh…" She removed a box as she turned towards him.

' _Oh boy.' "_ Yeah?"

"I'm not going to have to take a 19th century English literature midterm, ... am I?" Donna inquired.

"No." ' _We're not in college anymore.'_

" 'Cause in one of these boxes are memos and handwritten notes pertaining to the President's 100,000 new teachers initiative, ... since it's a ... major policy initiative launched right after a suspected MS attack." Donna crouched down.

' _Remember to, y'know, breath.'_ "Can I ask you something?"

Donna stood up. "I had a plan."

' _I can see that….. How else did you pass your 19th century English literature midterms?'_ "When you say in one of these boxes…"

"I had a plan! ….. Each box's numbered... There's a piece a paper wi' a number an' a corresponding description ….of the contents of each box."

' _Easy enough.'_ "Well, where's the piece of paper?" Josh asked.

*SHLUM-ump* Donna pulled another box down as she glared at him.

' _Oh.'_ His forehead creased. "It's... in ….. one of these boxes."

"I had a plan." Donna scowled. "I grew up on a farm." *buh-duh-lump* She set one of the boxes on the floor.

' _What?'_ "Ya grew up ... inna ... condo."

' _Okay, fine.'_ "I grew up ...near …. a farm." *pl-APPP* Donna plopped another box on a cabinet. "I was cute. An' I was peppy. And I always did well on my 19th century English literature midterms, 'till you came along,..." *CLAPPPP* She slapped a file folder down. "…... sucked me into your life of crime!" Donna marched towards the back of the storage room.

"Hey, I'm not the one…"

Donna stopped to look back. "White collar crime boy." *sshhhumppp* She retrieved a box. "Y'know what they do to a girl like me on tha' cellblock? …. I've seen those movies!

"Yeah, …..me too."

"I'll bet you have!"

' _Okay….'_ "Look…"

She carried the box back towards Josh. "Sell my farm-girl a** for a carton of Luckys!"

His forehead creased. "Hey, …..seriously, ….. ya need ta …. sleep for a while."

"I can't yet. 'Cause in one of these boxes are FedEx receipts, an' mailroom records for any gifts or packages sent to senior staff," ' _That's you, Buddy Boy_!' "…. an' in one a these boxes is a piece of paper which says WHICH BOX IT'S IN!" Her bloodshot eyes popped out of her head.

' _Okay.'_ "...I'll be in the office."

"Your office is down the corridor, 'bout 200 feet from here. …. Try not to commit any felonies on the way." Donna recommended.

"I'll do my best." *CLUH-DUH-DUNK* Josh slammed the door behind him as Sam walked down the hallway.

"Josh." Sam held up a memo.

"Donna's like ….. two,... three days from unspooling….. It's pretty fun-tuh watch, but can you loan me some senior assistants from Communications?" Josh requested.

"Yeah. … So listen, ... there's a fire in Yellowstone Park." Sam explained before they started up a short flight of stairs. *DAPP-pap-dlapp-Pap-Pap*

"Well,... put it out." ' _Easy.'_

"Technically, I'm not a professional firefighter, ... though…. there was a time I wanted ta be."

"When?"

Sam looked at Josh. "When I was four."

"When I was four, ….. I wanted tuh be a ballerina." *BANG-AH* Josh opened the double glass door before they passed through.

"Yeah?" ' _Oh, this is beautiful. I should almost have to pay ya for givin' me such great material.'_

"I don't like tuh... talk about it."

' _Okay.'_ *BAPP-map-dlapp-Pap... PAPP-dap-tlapp-Pap-Tap* They started up another flight of stairs. "There was a dry lightning strike in a lodgepole pine forest. …. The fire spread to 500 acres but it's all inside a resource benefit zone."

"Is it all under control?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, last night the park's superintendent - in consultation wi' Bill Horton …. an' several deputies from the Department of the Interior … decided to let it run its course." Sam pursed his lips as he glanced at Josh.

' _Huh?'_ "They're letting it burn?"

"It's not necessarily our policy to put these things out."

"Puttin' ou' ... fires ... isn't necessarily our policy?" ' _But like…. Fires… burn….. And can kill people, destroy wildlife, and take out towns…..'_ They entered the Bullpen.

"Fire's good for the environment, under certain circumstances. Forests have a natural cycle that requires purging burns to reinvigorate growth."

Josh poured coffee. "...Someone just said tha' tah you, … righ'?

Sam nodded. "Yeah."

"What do we need-ta do?"

Sam followed Josh. "The President needs tuh talk on the phone wi' the governor."

"Why?" Josh asked.

"So that the President can say he talked on the phone with the governor." Sam clarified.

' _Ah.'_ "I'll take care of it."

"Ballerina?"

Josh looked back to Sam. "I'd kinda like that not tuh get around."

Sam chuckled. "Yeah, no chance a that." He glanced into CJ's office at Ainsley as she sat on the couch. ' _Good God, I am the luckiest man alive.'_

Oliver Babish clenched his hand in his pocket as he paced around C.J.'s office. "You can emphasize that it's not like being served." His voice escalated as he turned around in the doorway.

"How's it not like being served?" C.J. stood at her desk while Ainsley sat on the couch.

"A subpoena is just a legal agreement to produce certain testimony and documents." He tilted his chin down. ' _As I've said many times.'_

CJ turned her palms up. "Yeah, but isn't it like the way a mugger uses a gun to produce your wallet?"

"You say we're cooperating fully. …... You say subpoenas…." He raised his brows as he walked to her desk. "don't ... indicate otherwise…... You say … they're a ... commonly used ... legal tool … to define ... the scope of the inquiry!"

' _You're not hearing me.'_ "Oliver," C.J. walked around her desk. "political reporters don't care about the scope of the inquiry. … They hear 'subpoenas'..."

"Look…" Oliver clenched his teeth as he looked away.

"My trouble wi' your spin is that we're not gonna get anywhere putting on a calm face. …. We need-tuh pick-uh fight!" C.J. declared.

"Why?" Ainsley inquired.

"Because in politics, if you're not on offense, you're on defense." C.J. argued.

Oliver lowered his voice. "Your problem there … is that Clem Rollins doesn't foam at the mouth. …. He's a good guy, … an' he comes off … as a good guy."

"Plus he was appointed by your own Attorney General, which is gunna make it tough to fit him wi' a black hat." Ainsley added.

"Lemme think for jus' a second." ' _Then we need some who can wear a black hat.'_ C.J. walked towards the doorway and then turned to Ainsley. "What do Republicans say about him?"

' _Where are ya goin' with this?'_ Oliver looked over his shoulder.

"Well, we don't all hang out at a little club…" Ainsley said.

' _Ainsley…'_ "What do they say 'bout 'im?" C.J. asked.

"He's well-respected, he's deliberate, he takes his duty seriously, he wants to get at the truth and he wants to avoid any appearance of impropriety or partisanship." Ainsley answered.

' _Yeah, that's not gunna work for us.'_ C.J. paced.

' _Exactly what I just told you.'_ Oliver clenched his teeth.

"...Excuse me!" She left her office.

"Where are you goin'?"

' _I need to find Leo.'_ C.J. spun around in the doorway. "...We need a different enemy."

' _I don't like where this is going.'_ Oliver grimaced.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"When're you gonna meet on the estate tax?" Leo passed Margaret's desk.

"Five minutes." Josh followed Leo into his office.

"With Toby?"

"Yeah."

"Jus' remember, it's a compromise, Josh... It's done. ….. Y'may not like it, bu'..." Leo walked behind his desk.

"It's a compromise." ' _Yeah, yeah, I know.'_

Leo retrieved his briefcase. "I'm sayin' ... the two of you, … when ya don't like something, … have a tendency to…"

"Show our displeasure?" Josh looked down.

' _That's one way to put it.'_ "Piss people off!"

"That's a bad rep. I'm swweeet as pecan pie."

"Yeah?" ' _You sure 'bout that?'_

"I hate these people, Leo. An' when this thing is done, I'm going to personally screw them with their pants on!" Josh seethed.

Leo put on his coat. ' _At least now we're being honest….. .'_

' _Well, I'd pay good money to see that._ ' C.J entered Leo's office. "Excuse me."

"Hey, C.J.." Leo said.

"Leo." C.J. turned to Josh. "Giselle."

"Yeah." Josh looked down as he left. "I'm outta 'ere."

"You gotta second?"

"Yeah." Leo picked up his briefcase. "Walk wit' me."

C.J. followed Leo to the hallway. "Oliver ... Babish … an' Ainsley Hayes ... were just in my office."

"On spin?"

"Yeah."

"Whaddya got?" Leo inquired.

"Nothin' ... Y'know why?"

"Rollins likes us." Leo quipped.

"I dunno if he likes us, bu' he doesn't hate us."

"Well, that's jus' 'cause he doesn't know us."

' _I'm being serious here, Leo.'_ C.J. pulled Leo into an empty office.

' _What the h* is going on, C.J.?'_

"Leo, ... we need-tuh be investigated by someone who wants to kill us jus' to watch us die. ….We need someone perceived by the American people to be irresponsible, … untrustworthy,… partisan, … ambitious, an' thirsty for the limelight. …... Am I crazy, or is this notta job for the U.S. House of Representatives?"

Leo half-shrugged. "Well, they'll get 'round to it sooner or later."

"So let's make it sooner, let's make it now. … Rollins' drivin' them crazy, ….he won't talk to the press, … they're ready to jump ... I swear to God, Leo, …. I think we can move the show."

' _She's got a point.'_ "...You gotta briefing now?"

C.J. nodded. "Yeah."

"Show me what you're starting with."

"Yeah." She nodded.

Leo left. ' _Toby sure made the right call when he brought her on the campaign…. An' I'm sure as h*** glad tha' she didn't resign 'cause of the Haiti incident.'_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ainsley looked around the OEOB storage room. ' _Where is she? Did the boxes finally win and swallow her whole?'_ Ainsley glanced down at the desk. "Donna?"

Donna jabbed her finger from atop a ladder. "Don't touch that stack over there!"

Ainsley fiddled with her pen. "I heard you need help."

"That stack's the Secret Service logs of all visitors who came into the building tuh see Charlie." Donna climbed down the ladder.

"You feel like bein' fixed up wi' a hot guy?" Ainsley blinked.

Donna filed paperwork. "As opposed to this stack, which's the Secret Service logs for-" She perked up. "Whaddya say?"

"His name's Cliff Calley, we went tuh law school together, an' he broke up wi' his girlfriend."

Donna smiled. "Where does he work?"

"He's cuu-te as h***."

"Where does he work?" Donna repeated.

Ainsley averted her eyes. "On the Hill. …..House Ways an' Means."

"He works for the Minority counsel's office?"

"Not exactly."

"Where does he work?"

"Well, lemme say this…. He works … with... the Minority counsel's office."

"Ainsley…" ' _But Josh.'_

' _Okay, fine.'_ "He works for the Majority counsel's office." ' _Have an open mind, please._ '

"He's a Republican."

' _So am I.'_ "We are the majority." Ainsley said.

"Look…" ' _I just can't do that to Josh.'_

"By a very small margin." Ainsley added. ' _Believe it or not, not all Republican men're like Chad.'_

"He works for the Majority counsel's office in Ways and Means?" ' _This would devastate him.'_

"Yes."

"Josh's in a 12-round fight wi' Ways an' Means!"

"If you're not comfortable with this…" ' _Not that you could be wi' him right now.'_

"Josh, who picked me out of nowhere, who works day and night and is under more pressure than ever and who hates these people." ' _I'm a horrible person for even considering this. ….. Okay, one date won't hurt.'_ I don't know, is he funny?"

"Yeah. Should I tell'im to call you?" Ainsley asked.

"Let'im call if he wants, but I'm just, y' know... phone rings, I answer it, could be anybody!" Donna walked off to the side.

"Okay."

Donna pointed. "Don't touch that stack!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

*POP! Mrackle zap!* The carne asada sizzled in the pan as Sam browned the peppers and onions in another pan.

*ERRRR* Sam's intercom buzzed.

' _That's probably Ainsley._ ' Sam clicked the talk button. *cleek*

"There's a Miss Hayes here in the Lobby for Master Seaborn." The doorman announced.

Sam transferred the carne asada and vegetables to serving dishes and set them down on the table with the homemade salsa and guacamole. "Thank you, Sergio. I'll be down inna second." *cleek* He clicked the talk button again before he lit the candles and dimmed the lights.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

*beep ….. beep…...beep….* The elevator chirped at each level. *Binnngggg.* The elevator opened when he reached the Lobby. "Good Evening, Sergio." Sam stepped out.

"Good evening, Master Seaborn." He replied.

"Hi." Sam smiled at Ainsley as he bit his bottom lip. ' _Woooaaahhh…. Nellie. She's got legs that go all the way down to the floor.'_

"Hi, …..Mas-ter Seaborn." Ainsley's eyelashes fluttered.

' _In front of Sergio? Really?'_ Sam's face turned pink as took Ainsley's overnight bag and held the door to the Main Lobby for her.

"Why thank you,... Mas-ter Seaborn." Ainsley drawled. "Always the gentleman. Are you this chivalrous with all the ladies?"

"Well-" Sam flustered.

Sam's heart raced when she touched his forearm. "Sam, I'm just messin' wi' you."

"Oh." Sam laughed as he bit his bottom lip. "Sorry." He pressed the elevator button. *Binnngggg.*

"It's okay. No need to wig out." Ainsley reassured him as they stepped onto the elevator.

*sschhmoooppp* The elevator closed. "So I thought I was the only one who called you Master Seaborn."

"D'ya wan' me ta explain to Sergio why he can't call me Master Seaborn?" Sam pressed the button for his floor.

"No." Ainsley turned scarlet. "Everyone's wiggin' out lately. Like when I went to go see Donna about setting her up with Cliff-"

"Wait, you what?" Sam's eyes widened.

"I set'er up with Cliff." Ainsley repeated. "You don't think he's a good guy?"

"I do, … but Josh-" Sam said.

"I'm not setting Josh up with Cliff, I'm-" Ainsley explained as the elevator began to rise.

"Josh's not gonna like it." Sam insisted.

"Josh'll have to live with it." Ainsley looked Sam in the eye. "He and Donna can't be together right now, and you know it. And so does he. Why can't he deal with Donna being happy?" ' _To say nothing of the fact that Donna's too good for him anyway.'_ Ainsley kissed his cheek with one hand on his chest. "Happy, like how you make me feel."

Sam blushed. ' _Ah jeez, I feel like a d**n cartoon character.'_ "Yeah, but-"

"Sam, do you really wanna blow your chances of getting lucky tonight?"

"No, …. but, not for nothing, I already did get lucky 'cause I got you." Sam replied.

"Good answer, Master Seaborn." Ainsley tasted the minty fresh mouthwash on his breath when her lips met his.

"I make you happy?" Sam asked.

"Yes, Sam. Incredibly happy. …. Is that even a question?"

' _I make her happy.'_ Sam beamed.

The elevator chimed open before Ainsley stepped out. "What do you think he's gonna do 'bout the Estate Tax?"

*sschhmoooppp* The elevator door closed behind Sam.

"Is this a trick?" Sam asked.

"Why would it be a trick?" Ainsley asked.

"You jus' said-" Sam unlocked the door. *tphh vaAAARRRRRUMMM*

"Oh, Sam." Ainsley laughed as they stepped inside the apartment. "You made me a beautiful, romantic dinner. That, and you're a really good kisser, so I'll let it slide just this once."

"I'm a good kisser?" Sam pressed her back against the door. "Ya mean like this?" Sam clutched her cheeks and then slid a hand up her skirt.

"My, mmmyyyy, …. Samuel." Ainsley drawled as her face glistened with sweat. "That was a mighty fine there. I reckon tha' you jus' might convince me to support the Estate Tax."

"Too bad I can't use that on Republicans in Congress." Sam kissed her neck.

"You could always try tellin' 'em that the Great Ronald Reagan supports the Estate Tax, since we alllwaayys listen to our fearless leader, even from the grave."

Guilt spread across his face. "Ainse, I feel horri-"

"I know you do, Babe." Ainsley stroked his cheek as his chin tucked in towards his neck.

"Ainsley, I-"

"You feel bad for not being a good boyfriend? You're an amazing boyfriend. But you need to learn to not be so hard on yourself. I'm jus' givin' you a hard time. And I don't want you to be afraid to talk about this stuff with me."

"Are you sure?" His lips pressed together.

"Seriously, Sam." Ainsley clasped her hands behind his neck. "I miss arguin' about politics with you." ' _Not for nothing, but you have no idea how much it turns me on.'_

His eyes rounded as his forehead puckered. "I jus' ….. I don't wanna mess this up."

"I don't wanna mess this up either."

' _I'm sure that if anyone messes this up, it'll be me.'_ Sam feared.

"Jus' as long as we stay away from the personal attacks."

"An' maybe while we're at it, we'll set an example for the rest of the country for how to engage in debates with people you disagree with." Sam added. "Minus the sex, of course. ….. For them, I mean. I don't want us to hold off on that, I mean…... unless you wa-" ' _I'm just gonna stop before I hurt myself.'_

Ainsley snorted. "Sam Seaborn, you're just so adorable sometimes." She caressed his lips. "As I was sayin', do you think he'll veto the Estate Tax repeal?"

"Doug seems to think he should. It would certainly be a bold move and remind the people that he's a strong Commander in Chief." Sam pulled a chair out for Ainsley.

"That I agree with." Ainsley sat down.

Sam put a hand to his ear. "I'm sorry, didya just agree with me on the Estate Tax? What would the Gipper say?"

"Nice try, Babe."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"C.J.!" A congressman called out as C.J. was on her way back to the White House. C.J. turned around as two congressmen caught up with her. "We had a meeting at the OEOB. We were goin' to come by an' see you. …. There's some concern on the Hill." The congressman creased his forehead.

C.J. tilted her head and furrowed her brow. "Abou' what?"

"Over the last coupla days, the press has been real soft on Rollins."

"Particularly with regard to his relationship to the White House." The other congressman added.

"An' there's concern on the Hill?" C.J. folded her arms. ' _See Babish, this is wha' I was talking about.'_ "Democrats're worried Republicans'll use this as an excuse to start their own hearings earlier than expected…"

"We're jus' sayin' if the White House could seem a little less eager to cooperate, … a little less confident about the guy's integrity." The other congressman raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah." C.J. agreed. ' _Exactly what I've been saying.'_

"I mean, if y'could downplay his friendship with Babish... Have a good night." The first congressman concluded.

"You, too." C.J smiled when the men headed back to the Hill. ' _It's game time.'_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam held a coffee cup in his hand as he "...for the moment, the President and Governor had a productive conversation, he's monitoring the situation with the Secretary of the Interior." He ambled with C.J. towards her office.

Ainsley swaggered through the Bullpen. "Excuse me!"

"Hey!" Sam said. ' _Hot d**n, my woman is sexy.'_

"You need a haircut."

' _But if I get a haircut, you won't have anything to grab or run your fingers through during sex. Don't say that.'_ "Yes, ma'am. …. Hey, what time are we meeting your friends for dinner?"

"Bruce said 6 at the Capital Lounge. An' we get to meet that new guy he's dating."

"So I won't be the only outsider."

"Sam." Ainsley glared at him.

"Are ya gonna go easy on 'im?"

"Go easy on him? What're you talkin' 'bout?" Ainsley narrowed her eyes.

"This guy's dating one of your best friends, an' you tend to go all Mama Bear anytime your friends start dating someone new or if they're dating someone you don't like."

"What can I say, I only want the best for my friends, 'cause I want them to have what I have."

The corners of Sam's eyes crinkled. " 'Have what you have'?"

"Yes." Ainsley's eyes sparkled.

"So 6?" Sam kissed her cheek. "Love you."

"Love you too." Ainsley smiled before she stepped into C.J.'s office. "You wanted to see me?"

"You did well last night on Capital Beat." C.J. closed the door.

"Thanks."

"Babish and Rollins wrote a paper together for the Yale Law Review." C.J. set her computer bag down.

"You should get it out there." Ainsley implored.

' _That's where you come in, Girlfriend.'_ "Yeah, the problem is I can't just make photocopies and distribute it."

"What d'you need?"

"I want you to get wi' one of your friends in the Press Room from a conservative paper."

"You really think we have a secret handshake, don't you?"

"Do you?"

"Yes."

' _I knew it!'_ "Get alone with one of those guys, go off record, and say you can't believe how the President can be claiming to waive Executive Privileges yet still reserve the right to withhold certain documents. Can you do that?" C.J. explained.

"I can't believe how the President can be claiming to waive Executive Privileges yet still reserve the right to withhold certain documents." Ainsley rehearsed.

"Yeah, do it quietly and kind of shake your head in disbelief." C.J. advised.

Ainsley shook her head back and forth. "I can't believe how the President can be claiming to waive Executive Privileges yet still…"

' _Okay, not that much.'_ "Ya don't have to keep shaking your head, just a little in the beginning."

"I can't believe" Ainsley shook her head. "how the President can-"

"Yeah, but think about…"

"Okay, I've got it." Ainsley grinned.

"Thank you." C.J. smiled. ' _An' we're in business, boys.'_ "Ainsley, any chance you could teach me the secret handshake?"

"Nope." Ainsley left.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"C.J., can you clear up whether the Special Prosecutor can compel the President's staff to disclose conversations he's had regarding his MS?" A reporter inquired.

"Well, Executive Privilege protects all communications that're necessary to enable a President to do his job, … but as I said, ... the President's waiving Executive Privilege. ... Mark?" CJ pointed to another reporter.

"Can you tell us if…"

' _I wasn't finished, but nice try.'_ "Excuse me, Mark," The first reporter turned towards him. "I need-tuh follow up on that. ….. How can Bartlet be claiming to waive Executive Privileges, yet still reserve the right to withhold certain documents?" She shook her head. "Isn't he just trying to protect himself?

' _Nice work, Ainsley.' "_ Actually, he's trying to protect the office of the presidency… Information pertaining to national security, for instance." C.J. quipped.

' _Obviously.' "_ Stop being coy, C.J."

"I was born this way."

"You don't think Clement Rollins'll be angry, and with every reason to be, if the White House leaves out certain documents?"

"I think if you wanna know what Clement Rollins thinks, you should read some of his writings on the subject. ...He was a University of Chicago Law School professor, and I'm not sure,… you can check me on this, but I think he was editor of the Yale Law Review. ... That's a full lid, everybody, have a good night." C.J. stepped off the podium.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

C.J. sauntered in the Bullpen in search of a bottle opener. "You don't have a bottle opener, do you?" She smirked.

' _Don't get cute wi' me, C.J.'_ "No." Oliver snarled. ' _Not that we have anything to celebrate.'_

"I know some men carry those…"

"I don't." He tucked a hand in his pocket. ' _And if I did, I wouldn't share it with you.'_

"...pocket knives."

"You screwed around with an independent legal proceeding, and you used one of my deputies to do it." Oliver chastised.

"I worked the press." C.J. said as they watched television mounted on the wall. ' _It's game time. Let's go!'_

"Y'know, there was an irony in that Clem Rollins was the right man for the job."

"You think I could care less abou' irony?"

"You think jus' because the White House feels more comfortable when they're in an ugly political fight, that means we're gunna win it?"

C.J. strutted away. " Anybody have a bottle opener?" ' _Whatcha gonna do 'bout it?'_

Josh entered the Bullpen when Donna hastened to catch up with him. "Josh?"

He glanced at Donna. "Yeah?"

"Which Committee had jurisdiction?" Donna asked. ' _Please don't let it be Government Oversight.'_

"For the hearings?"

"Is it Judiciary?" ' _I mean it probably is, so I probably got nothing to worry about.'_ Donna reasoned as Leo, Sam, and Ainsley joined the staffers in the Bullpen.

"You'd think so, but Thomas's committee wanted it, so the Majority Leader…"Josh started.

"Thomas's committee's?" ' _Please, not Government Oversight.'_

"House Government Reform and Oversight." Josh answered.

' _Why couldn't it have been the Judiciary committee? Just my luck that I meet this great guy a week before he got transferred from Ways and Means to the committee holding the hearings.'_ Donna's heart sank as Sam bumped into Donna.

"Volume!" Sam demanded.

Bonnie turned up the volume with the remote control as more staffers gathered around the television in The Bullpen has been filling up to watch Congressman Randall Thomas speak on C-SPAN. " **This is an election year, and in some states, the voting starts in a few months. People deserve answers now, and not at the snail's pace of Jed Bartlet's hand-picked prosecutor... I am announcing that the House Government Reform and Oversight Committee will be gaveled to session to conduct immediate hearings…"**

C.J. opens her beer as she stood shoulder to shoulder with Ainsley, Sam, Josh, Connie, Doug, Carol, Toby, Ginger, Leo, Donna, Bonnie, and many other members of the West Wing staff. "Nice work." C.J. high-fived Ainsley as Oliver leaned against a doorframe in the back of the room.

"...into the possible use of taxpayer resources…"

' _KA-CHOWW! D, my girlfriend's bada**.'_ Sam beamed.C.J. stared the Congressman down. "Come an' get us."

" **...to defraud the public."**

C.J. sipped her beer.

" **It is time to put an end to this White House's abuse of power. It is time for this WhiteHouse to answer to the American people."** The congressman concluded.

"Ainsley, since you can't teach me the secret handshake, can we at least have our own secret handshake?" C.J. begged.

"Absolutely." Ainsley smiled.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

*rii-EEEEEEEEEEK* The bedroom door creaked open. "So ... the strangest thing ... jus' happened." Ainsley wrapped her arms around Sam's waist he stared out at the Watergate Hotel. "I woke up, ... searchin' for the strong, handsome man who makes me feel safe and loved in his arms," She kissed his shoulder blades. "But then, I realized I was … all … alone … in that lovely … bed a yours. … So I decided ta come give you some company."

He pressed her knuckles to his lips before they retrieved milk and cookies from the kitchen that they set on the table before they curled up together on the couch. "Talk tuh me, Babe." She stroked his hair as he snaked an arm across the small of her back. "Remember, we promised not to shut each other out." She reminded him.

" …..What's there to talk about? …. I'm guilty of perpetrating a fraud." He said as she helped herself to a cookie.

"You know ... that's not true." She bit a chocolate chip cookie and then washed it down with milk. "But even if you did, I'd still love you." She kissed his temple. "You're not still worried about the Indio, are you?"

' _How can I not?'_ He nodded.

"What does Babish have to say?" Ainsley asked.

"He says that it could come up, but that I'll probably be fine."

' _Exactly_.' Ainsley swallowed a cookie.

"He also thinks they'll bring up Laurie."

"It might come up, but you'll be fine wi' tha' ... because guess what?"

"What?"

"You didn't break any laws or do anything wrong."

' _That's debatable.' "_ When has that stopped bloodthirsty politicians and lawyers?" ' _To say nothing of the media.'_

"You're also being defended by one of the best lawyers in the country."

"That's right …. The headline should read 'Heir to the Seaborn fortune escapes multiple charges with the help of the family lawyer'."

"Sam, as far as the Indio goes, yes, it did crash, an' it did cause an oil spill. Yes, you were involved with the deal. …. But you know what?"

"What?"

"You did what you were supposed to do within the confines of the law. You wrote their liability shield, which, as I said, is what they hired you to do."

' _So if they hired me to commit murder, I would be safe from getting convicted?'_

Ainsley continued. "Also, you weren't even a partner yet. ….. As for Laurie, you didn't even know she was a prostitute when you met her and you never solicited sex from her." She rubbed his shoulder while he ate a cookie.

"It's just not fair… What gets me is that I should have to take personal responsibility for it, but I don't. …. Whereas if Charlie doesn't take the immunity, he'll get eaten alive 'cause he can't afford a lawyer."

"Oh, my sweet Atlas." She kissed his cheek. "You carry the weight uh the world on your shoulders. One a the many, … many … things I love 'bout you … is that you always want to protect those you care about. But there are some things you just can't control, …. like the rain, ... wildfires, the MS hearings, and the fact that life isn't fair. I bet Charlie'd say the same thing. ... And don't you dare apologize 'for dragging me into this' again."

"Ainse..."

"No, Sam." Ainsley's gaze pierced his eyes. "You have this intense desire to protect the people you love from any kinda pain an' hardship, and you blame yourself when you can't ….. I love you for it, but you can't beat yourself up."

"It's how I hold myself accountable. ….. I don't wanna be him."

"Sweetheart, ….. you're nothing, …. nothing ... like your dad."

"How do y'know?"

"Well, for one thing, …. he cheated on your mom for 28 years, … an' I know you'd never cheat on me." Sam's raw, vulnerable eyes looked into her eyes before he rattled her bones with a kiss.

"You taste like chocolate chip cookies." Ainsley bit her lip.

He chuckled. "That explains why you were so eager tuh kiss me back."

"Oh, Sam." She rolled her eyes. "Hey, Babe?"

"Yeah?"

"We should probably get back ta bed. We have a big day aheada us. …. That, an' Toby or Josh might come out here to get a drink of water or yell at us for being too loud."

"They haven't yelled at us the last few nights, so I think we're good, you wild thing." Sam teased as she led him back to his room.

Ainsley's face fired shots of indignation. "YOU... have the nerve to call ME wild?"

*Shlipp-clum-click* Sam closed his bedroom door. "I'm sorry, Babe." He pressed her back against the closed door as he slid his hands under her pajamas and dropped his voice to a whispered. "Allow me ta make it up to you. …. Be as loud as you want."

"Thank you, Master Seaborn."


	8. You Can't Always Get What You Want

You Can't Always Get What You Want

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to West Wing, Hamilton, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, or The Rolling Stones(the chapter title).

Teen rating, SFW

This takes place in the context of the On the Day Before episode.

Sorry for the temporary hiatus, guys!

XXXXXXXXXXX

Sam and Ainsley interlocked their fingers as they strolled through the Lobby. "How'd it go wi' Buckland an' the Estate Tax Repeal?"

"As for Buckland, ... I dunno, 'cause I haven't talked to Josh yet. … As for the other thing, …. we jus' baarre-ly … got enough votes-tuh sustain."

"Very nice, Babe." Ainsley kissed his cheek.

"Even though we're tryin' to veto the Estate Tax Repeal?" He gasped. "What would the Gipper say?"

"Ha ha, … very funny." Ainsley side-eye glared at him as Toby passed through the Lobby. "I meant it as show a strength from the Office of the President."

"Can you explain to me why Republicans, who oppose handouts, are against the Estate Tax?" Toby interrupted.

"The Death Tax."

"We don't like to call it that."

Ainsley shrugged. "The Order of the Gipper ordered us to."

"Ha ha. You're so funny." Sam fake laughed.

"But seriously, … the recipient it didn't even earn the money." Toby countered.

"Fair."

"Need I remind you, Oliver Wendell Holmes, a Republican, said-"

" 'Taxes are the price we pay for a civilized society.' "

"Taxes that fund the Military." Toby added.

"I'm not arguing against all taxes, but they've already paid many, many taxes. Property taxes, Capital Gains, Corporate taxes, Payroll taxes, Income taxes, an' we want'em to pay the Death tax too?"

"But these people're ... loaded."

"So because people can afford a tax, they should be levied?"

"How about we spend millions of dollars on tax breaks … on people ... who, ….. you know, …. don't have ... millions of dollars?"

"What 'bout the family that's forced to sell their farm that they've had for generations because they can't afford the Estate Tax? What happens to that family's livelihood and all of their employees?"

C.J. entered the Lobby as Josh followed her. "Sam, Toby. The President wants us in the Oval in 5."

"I'm gonna head out, Babe." Ainsley kissed Sam.

"Love you, I'll see ya tomorrow."

"Love you too." Ainsley replied.

' _Do you really, Ainsley?'_ Josh clenched his teeth.

XXXXXXX

Sam tossed his tuxedo onto Bonnie's desk in the Bullpen. "How'd it go wi' Buckland?"

Josh leaned on Toby's office doorway. "He wants a seat at the table."

"How's-"

Josh cut him off. "Hey, didya let your girlfriend-"

"Y'know, she doesn't need a permission slip from me, right?" Sam slouched in Bonnie's chair. "A little thing called 'feminism'."

"And yet, her party would like ta dismantle feminism." Josh sulked. "Anyway, she set Donna up with some rich, Ivy League pretty boy."

"We're rich, Ivy League pretty boys." Sam reminded him.

"I'm notta rich, Ivy League pretty boy." Josh protested.

"You're not?" Sam grabbed a soda from the cooler.

"No, I'm a handsome, well-educated man-"

*tah-PHSH-PHSH*. Sam opened his soda can. "Who went all the way up the Ivy League pipeline, from elite prep schools … tuh Harvard, … and then Yale Law while you summered at the family's vacation house on the Cape."

"I still don't like'im." Josh grumbled.

Sam looked at Josh. "Hey, don't gimme that look."

"What look?" Sam sipped his soda.

"I'm not jealous." Josh insisted.

"Jealous of whom?"

Josh grimaced. "Of Cliff."

' _You tell yourself that.'_ "Okay."

"Seriously, … Sam, …. I'm not jealous of Cliff at all." Josh claimed.

"I never said you were." Sam assured him. ' _But you are.'_ "But be happy for her. Cliff's a good guy, he'll treat'er right."

"But he's a Republican." Josh grumbled.

Sam chuckled. "So? Ainsley's a Republican."

"Yeah, but-"

"Yeah, but what, ... Josh?" Sam challenged. "I'd watch my words veer-ry … carefully if I were you."

"But now he's a Republican who's been transferred to House Government Oversight."

"Oh." Sam raised his forehead and eyebrows. "That's too bad."

' _Really, Sam? You're supposed to be on my side.'_ " 'Oh' is right."


	9. Pennies, Glorious Pennies

Pennies, Glorious Pennies

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Hamilton, West Wing, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, and Oliver Twist.

Note: This chapter takes place in the context of the War Crimes episode.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam and Donna stood next to the doorway before she went off to her MS hearing. "If you don't understand a question, say so, an' they'll repeat it. Or they'll rephrase it."

"Yeah." Donna agreed.

"There's nothing wrong with not understanding the question."

"Right."

"There's nothing wrong with saying 'I don't recall.' " Sam reiterated.

"I appreciate this." Donna nodded.

Sam breathed in. "Yeah." He nodded "Don't you wanna go over this with Josh?"

"He's …." Donna glanced out the double doors' glass panes. "...pissed at me."

' _What?'_ Sam scrunched his brows. "No, he's not. " ' _Not as far as I know.'_

"He's…" Donna laughed as she looked down. "Yeah, ...he is."

' _I mean he was kinda pissed at me, but he'll get over it.'_ "He didn't say anything."

Donna lowered her eyelids. "He doesn't say anything."

' _He shouldn't be at least.'_ "All right."

"Anyway, ... I appreciate this."

Sam held up his index finger to Charlie as he passed through. "Charlie, hang on a sec….. You're gonna be sitting in a room. It's gonna feel like ya did something wrong. …. But guess what?"

"What?"

"Ya didn't, so." Sam smiled. ' _Something that Ainsley reminds me all the time.'_ "You got a cab up front?"

"Yeah."

"Come back when it's over?" Sam stepped towards Charlie.

"Thanks." Donna exited the Lobby.

XXXXXXXXXX

"It's 30 billion in School Modernization Bonds." Sam sat with a Congressional Aide in the Roosevelt Room as Ginger brought them coffee. "Thanks, Ginger."

"Thank you." The Congressional Aide said.

"Sure." Ginger sat the tray on the table before she closed the door behind her. *Shlipp-clum-click _._ *

"It's 30 billion in School Modernization Bonds." Sam's left arm rested on the table.

"Interest-free?"

"Interest-free for school districts. We're estimating it will help build and modernize 7,000 schools nationwide. … There's another 1.5 billion for urgent repairs targeted ta high-need districts."

"Like roof repairs?"

' _Yeah, exactly._ ' "Roof repairs, heating, and cooling systems, electrical wiring." Sam confirmed. "The point is we think we need the Congressman's vote to get it outta the full Appropriations Committee onto the floor."

The aide nodded as he put down his pen. "He'll be with it."

Sam smiled. ' _Finally, we can actually do some good, …. an' y'know,... governing._ ' "That's wha' I thought."

The aide rotated his upper body to rest his elbow on the table. "He's jus' looking for the President's support … on a bill that …..he'll be sponsoring."

' _Here we go again. Pork barrel promises for the masses.'_ "What's it called?"

"It's called the 'Legal Tender Modernization Act'."

' _Huh_?' Sam scrunched his brows. "Which provides for…...?

"The elimination of the penny."

' _What?'_ "I'm sorry?"

' _You laugh, but it causes a lotta problem._ ' He gestured with his pen. "It would permanently halt production of the penny."

' _That much I got.'_ "Why…..?" ' _There pennies…. It's money. We get it in our paychecks, then save or spend it; I don't ask questions. … Who could have a problem with pennies? Maybe the same people who protested the National Geographic Society.'_

"I'm glad you asked."

' _I can't believe I'm even having this conversation. '_ "Yeah." ' _Well, I guess we spend more than we save…. Focus, Sam.'_

"Last year, the U.S. Mint cut 14 billion pennies and shipped'em off to the Federal Reserve, which dumped them in our laps. …. They're worthless."

"Well, …. they're actually worth one cent." ' _Therefore not worthless by definition… if they were worthless, they'd be…. I'm just gonna stop there.'_ Sam countered.

' _Not what I mean, and you know it.'_ "The dollar has the buying power today that the quarter had 30 years ago. The penny's buying power shrunk to nothing."

"Well, that's not true. You can get yourself a gumball." ' _See? Definitely not worthless.'  
_  
He pointed the pen at Sam. ' _A ha!'_ "No, you can't. …. They cost a nickel."

' _What?_ ' "Really?" ' _Then again, when's the last time I bought a gumball?'  
_  
' _Ain't it quite something when facts get in the way?'_ The aide sighed as he capped his pen. "I'm gonna need ta give the Congressman a good reason why the White House won't support the bill if they won't support the bill." He put the pen on the table before he turned to face Sam again.

' _Seriously?_ ' "Oohhhh, ….don't make me give you a good reason."

"You want your $30 billion in school repairs?"

"Well, we're already well on our way with 140 Million pennies."

"Sam…"

"I'll get you a good reason." ' _Again, a conversation I never thought I'd have to have.'_

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Josh checked his watch as he leaned in the doorway. ' _Where's Donna? She should be done by now.'_ "Why?"

"Why?" Sam read through documents. ' _I've asked myself that so many times.'  
_  
Josh crossed his arms. "Yes."

' _We mine that much zinc and copper for pennies?'_ Sam read. "Cause this country is populated with unbalanced people." He looked up as he flipped through the document's pages. "Many of whom find their way to Washington. As if the continent funnels them into this one spot." ' _What does that say about us who work in politics?'_

"He wants to abolish the penny?" '

"He doesn't wanna abolish it, as much as he wants to give his boss a reason why we can't."

' _You can't be serious.'_ "Well…" Josh looked away. "...it's ... stupid."

"Yeah, but the thing is, it isn't really."

"Really?" Josh tilted his head.

"It turns out the majority of pennies don't circulate. …. They go in jars and sock drawers. Two-thirds of the pennies produced in the last 30 years have dropped outta circulation." ' _You don't use them unless you wanna be passive aggressive and pay in pennies.'_

' _Simple solution: Coinstar.'_ Josh raised his eyebrows. "You've been ….. reading about this?"

Sam nodded. "It's interesting."

' _No wonder Government can't get anything done._ ' "No, it's not."

Sam stood up. "The Mint …. gets letters with pennies taped on notebook paper, letters  
from citizens who found the pennies on the street and mailed them back to the  
Treasury to help pay down the debt."

"It's almost hard ta believe that plan hasn't worked."

Sam walked around the desk. "It's also bad for the environment. Production requires the mining of millions of tons of copper and zinc each year."

"Zinc?" ' _Why'd I ask?'  
_  
Sam stepped towards Josh. "In 1982, they changed the composition to 97.5% zinc and only 2.5% copper."

"Sam?"

"I'm turning into one of the funnel people."

"Yeah."

Sam headed back to his desk. "...Donna thinks you're still pissed at 'er."

' _What?'_ Josh looked up. "I'm not. I wasn't before. When'd she tell ya that?"

"Before she left." Sam sat back down. ' _Well, she thinks you are, so…'_

"You've heard from her?"

Sam read through a GAO report. "No."

Josh rested one hand on the door. "She should be done by now."

Sam looked up. "Here's a riddle. What is the most ubiquitous man-made object in America that does not interact with any mechanism or machine?"

' _Penny riddles? Really?'_ "The …. Penny?" Josh creased his forehead as he looked at Sam.

"The penny." Sam nodded as Josh passed through towards the Lobby. "You can't even throw it in a tollbooth. ….. Well,... except for Illinois."

Josh paused in the doorway. "Why can you use it in Illinois?" ' _You know what? No.'_

"That's an interesting question."

"No, it's not." Josh left.

' _But I have more cool facts that I wanna share.'_ Sam pouted.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

*Knock Knock* Sam opened the door. *tch-UUUUMMMMMM* "Excuse me. … Excuse me, General." He addressed Leo and General Adamley.

"Hey, Sam." General Adamley said.

"Margaret wasn't out here."

"What do ya need?"

"No, ... if you're in the middle of something, I can come back."

"We're eliminating genocide. What're you doin'?"

"Eliminating the penny. …. So I'll come back." Sam smiled.

' _But …. why?'_ Adamley asked himself.

"Yeah." ' _This is another one of your things, isn't it?'_ Leo leaned forward.

"See you later."

*tra-DUMMMMMMMM* Sam closed the door behind him before he met up with Donna in the main hallway. "Hey!"

"Hi." ' _Can't talk now.'_ Donna creased her eyebrows.

"How'd it go?" Sam walked with Donna towards the Bullpen.

"It …..was fine." Donna avoided his eyes.

"Just background, … right?"

"It was fine. Is Josh in his office?"

"He's around someplace." Sam said.

"Thanks."

"... Did y'know the only thing pennies interact with are those coin-wrapping machines people buy ta get rid of pennies, … which …... kinda proves the point."

' _Huh?' "_ What point?"

"I don't know. ….. It went okay?"

"Fine." Donna entered the Bullpen.

Xxxxx

'… _. perfect.' *_ tch-click.* Sam hit print as Donna stepped out of Josh's office.

*BI-err. BI-err. BI-err.* The printer stamped the article onto crisp computer paper as Sam entered the Bullpen.

"God D****T!" Josh slapped the wall.

"Wha-?" Sam approached Josh's office.

"I swear ta God, Sam, if you're gonna tell me one more asinine fact 'bout pennies-"

' _Okay_ …..' "I'm not. … I was jus' gonna ask you what happened." Sam stepped in the office.

"What happened? Are you ****ing kidding me ri' now?"

"I don't understand."

"Course ya don't." Josh snapped. "God, how could she be so stupid?"

"All I know is that Donna said the hearing went well-"

"Oh, she did, did she?" Josh's eyes bulged.

"So I take it that it didn't go well."

"By George, he's got it! An' thanks to your girlfriend-" Josh exclaimed.

"Josh. Watch yourself." Sam warned.

"No, I won't." Josh asserted. "Cause your girlfriend's either really stupid-"

"Excuse me?" Sam hissed as his fists clenched.

"You're excused."

"She's not stupid, Josh. She has two undergrad degrees, a JD-MBA from Harvard Law, and is fluent in six languages. And that's to say nothing of the fact that she's a retired Naval Officer and Fighter Pilot."

"Her daddy-"

"Okay man, now you're way outda line. I'm jus' gonna walk away before either of us say something we regret."

"D'ya realize how much trouble we're in?" Josh implored. "Thanks to your girlfriend, our very own Elsie Schneider."

*th-BWHHHHHAAKkkk! THUD-duh-fumble.* Sam's punch sent Josh tumbling backward onto the edge of his desk.

Josh lunged for Sam *PPPPPAAAAA-* Toby yanked same out of the way by his collar as C.J. restrained Josh.

"Take a walk with me. …. Now." Toby ordered.

"You! My office. NOW!" C.J. commanded Josh.


	10. CJ Cregg I am!

I apologize for the temporary hiatus- my life has been a little hectic for the past couple of months.

Without further ado, here's the next chapter!

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to West Wing, Hamilton (The Best of Wives and the Best of Women!), or Doctor Seuss (C.J. Cregg I am!- courtesy of 'Green Eggs and Ham' by Dr Seuss). Teen rating, mild language(everything is bleeped).

This takes place in the context of the War Crimes episode.

XXXXXXXXX

XXXXXXXXX

"But-" Josh squeaked.

"Do I need to kick your a**, Josh?" C.J.'s eyes bulged.

"Are you sure you can?" ' ' _Cause like…. I workout.'_

"Listen here, Sparky. I could kick your scrawny, chicken-*** on a boat. And I could kick your scrawny, chicken-*** with a goat. And I could kick your scrawny, chicken-*** in the rain. And I could kick your scrawny, chicken-*** in the dark. And in a tree! I am so bad***, so bad***, you see! I could kick your scrawny chicken-*** here and there. SAY! I could kick your scrawny chicken-*** ANYWHERE!"

Josh's head hung in shame. "Okay."

XXXXXXXXXXX

Josh sat down on the couch in C.J's office.

"D'ya wanna tell me what the h*** just happened back there?"

"Sam punched me in the face."

"For no particular reason?"

"Nope."

"So you didn't piss'im off?"

"Piss him off?! I'm the one who should be pissed!"

' _And you're doing an excellent job at controlling your emotions.'_ " 'Cause Donna told the House Government Oversight Committee that she didn't keep a diary, except she does. But no one -"

"-would know if Donna hadn't dated anyone on the committee." C.J finished his thought.

"Yeah, thanks to our very own Elsie Schneider." Josh clarified.

"You called Ainsley 'Elsie Schneider'?!"

"Yeah."

Elsie Schneider, the Nazi spy that Indiana Jones slept with?" CJ clarified.

"Yeah."

CJ stepped closer. "The same Nazis whose a***es we kicked in World War 2, thanks to heroes like Admiral Hayes."

"Are there other Nazis that I don't know about?"

"No. Anyway- we kicked their a**es thanks to heroes Admiral Hayes, who's also Ainsley's dad."

"Yes."

"And you called'er a Nazi spy and seductress?"

"Yes."

C.J returned to her desk. "We shoulda let Sam keep beating you up."

XXXXXXXXXX

*t-LEEP er-er-et* Josh pressed Ainsley's apartment intercom buzzer with takeout in hand. "Ainsley? Sam? It's me, Josh. I'm here to apologize… I brought food."

*DUH-lammp* Ainsley closed the fridge with a Stout in hand before she walked over to buzz him in. *ERRRZZZZZ* "What?" She turned to Sam who sat by the television with Toby, Bruce, and Harriet as they watched _. "He's your best friend. You can't stay mad at him forever."

' _Watch me.'_ Sam grimaced.

"Besides, he brought me food."

"But he-"

"Called me Elsie Schneider? …. Yes, he did. And now he wants to say sorry. … And bring me food."

*knock knock* Josh knocked on the door.

"He's your best friend, Sam." Ainsley walked towards the door.

"And you're my girlfriend."

"That's right." Ainsley opened the door. "Hi, Josh."

' _Oh, he's the one who announced the 'President's secret plan to fight inflation' when he filled in for the Press Secretary, right?'_ Harriet thought.

"Hi." Josh held Chinese takeout bags. "I remember that you like Kung Pao Chicken. I also got you Crab Rangoon, Egg Rolls, BBQ spare ribs, Hot and Sour soup, Rainbow Beef, Broccoli Beef, and Orange Chicken… Can I come in?"

"Anyone who comes bearing gifts of food is a friend in my book. Can I get y'all somethin' to drink? Beer, soda, coffee, water? Cookies, pizza?" Ainsley gestured to the everything pizza and plate of cookies on the counter. "Fried chicken?"

' _Fried Chicken? I don't see any fried chicken.'_ "Uh no thanks, I'm-"

' _Just take the d*** food, Josh.'_ Toby thought.

"There's no use fighting it." Bruce said. "Let'er get you something before she starts making you fried chicken." ' _You think I'm kidding, but I'm not.'_

"I'll take a Coke."

*PAA-haaaaa.* Ainsley opened the fridge and handed Josh a glass bottle of Coca Cola.

"Thanks."

*PAMP* Ainsley closed the fridge. "Your welcome." She replied before they joined Sam, Toby, Bruce, C.J., and Harriet in the living room.

XXXXXXXXX

XXXXXXXXX

Isn't it nice to see someone knock Josh down a peg or two?

I debated calling this chapter (as well as the previous chapter) 'Sunday Night's Alright for Fighting'(in honor of Elton John's Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting). What do you think? Should I have called one of those chapters 'Sunday Night's Alright for Fighting' instead of 'Pennies, Glorious Pennies' or 'C.J. Cregg I am!'? Cast your vote in the review section.


	11. Keeping Up with the Hayes' part 1

Keeping up with the Hayes Part 1

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to West Wing, Hamilton, or Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

This chapter takes place in the context of the Bartlet for America episode.

Note: I apologize about not posting for such a long time. I'll try and get better about posting on a regular schedule.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
"...He's making a list, And checking it twice…" Carolers sang on the street corner as Sam and Ainsely strolled out of Dean and Deluca onto the picturesque and bustling scene of holiday magic in historic Georgetown.

"Mama called. She said 'Ainsley, child, when are we going to meet this Kennedy boy?' " Ainsley said.

"Kennedy boy?"

"Yes. Mama thinks you look like JFK, which is code for 'political pretty boy'." Ainsley explained.

"Oh." Sam wrinkled his nose. ' _Is that a … good ... thing?'_

"Anyway- Daddy, Nana, and everybody else wants to meet you as well." Sliding her hands over the top part of his pants, she subtly grabbed his bubble butt under the protection of his black wool coat and continued. "An' Nana'll probably pinch your bubble butt and challenge you to a drinking game."

' _My bubble butt? You're the one with the nice a**.'_ Sam's face grew pink. "So … what you're saying is you want me to meet your family, yes?"

Ainsley felt the tension in his hand as they ambled down the sidewalk. "Sam. You're goin' to be fine."

"Ya don't think that your family'll be concerned about my relationship with Laurie?" ' _Or my involvement with the Bartlet Campaign and the MS scandal?'_

"Sam." Ainsley looked him square in the face. ' _First of all, I knew he had M.S. before you did.'_ "We've been through this. You met a girl at a bar who happened to be a prostitute. You never paid her for sex."

"Ok then, what about my dad cheating on my mom? My dad's a retired Senator from a democrat blueblood family that rivals the Kennedy's. It was on the news, Ainsley."

"Are you your father?"

"No, but I'm his son." ' _Because he's my father.'_

"Hmmm…... A man is not destined to be his father; children choose who they wish to be and grow up in spite of their parents. "

" _I hope that's true_." Sam bit his chilly lip.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"It's the next house on the right." Ainsely said.

' _Here we go.'_ His heart dropped into his stomach faster than the snowflakes around them as he turned into the driveway. ' _This is a house? It's huge.'_

"Babe. Seriously. ... You're goin' to be fine."

*tuh-tuh TUNGK-kum* Sam turned the car off. "You say that, but-"

"But what, Sam?" Ainsley took his hands in hers. "That they won't like you? Because we both know that's bull crap. Maybe you don't know that 'cause you don't know my family, but I do. And I know that they will see the same wonderful, sweet, honest, and thoughtful man that I see, and I wish you would see yourself that way."

They sat in silence for a moment as Ainsley squeezed his hand. "Babe, you ready?"

Sam nodded.

"Sweetheart, you're more nervous than a long-tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs. It's gonna be okay."

"Okay, I'm ready as I'll ever be." He got out of the car and then closed the door. *tch-ung TUNG …. duh-dum.* Sam opened the trunk and retrieved their luggage before he closed the trunk. *tch KUnnggg …. tcha DUNK*

*DUH-fwwhhissshh* He opened Ainsley's door she took his hand and stood up.

"So this whole separate bedroom thing – that means no sex while we're here?" Sam asked.

Ainsley suppressed a laugh as she rested her hand on his chest. "Sam. It's a massive estate with guest cottages, pool houses, secret passages, and corridors. And I know how to climb from the windows to the trees."

' _How're we supposed to have sex inna tree?'_ "That sounds kinky." Sam replied as they walked up the driveway.

"What, did you think that Democrats were the only wild ones?"

"Oh, I definitely knew that wasn't the case."

"Samuel!" Ainsley scolded.

He pulled her into his side and kissed her temple as they approached the wraparound porch. "What're you gonna do, punish me later?" He winked.

*tch-INNGG tch-oongggg.* She rang the doorbell as her face flushed.

"If you're not careful, they're going to think that we weren't late because of traffic. … Oh wait, …. that wasn't the only reason we're late." Sam teased.

' _Samuel!'_

The short, plump housekeeper answered the door. "Hello, Miss Ainsley. Is this the handsome young man we've heard so much about?"

"Yes, he sure is. Miss Adeline, this is Sam Seaborn."

"Well, I'm pleased to meet you, Master Seaborn." Miss Adeline shook Sam's hand. Ainsley's parents strode towards them from the Living Room. "Is that my Ainsley I hear?" Asked an elegant woman with thick auburn hair, a peaches-and-cream complexion, and Ainsley's green eyes.

"Yes, it is, Mama." Ainsley replied to her mother as Ainsley's father, a tall, broad-shouldered man with blond hair, clear blue eyes, and fair skin with the Ainsley's English rose cheeks, followed behind her.

"Oh, dear child, you must be starving and exhausted!" Mama exclaimed as she hugged and kissed Ainsley on the cheek and Sam chuckled to himself at the implication that there was ever a time that Ainsley was not hungry.

"Oh, Mama, I'm so hungry I could eat the north end of a south-bound polecat." Ainsley lamented as Sam thought, ' _That's not possible. You ate chicken pot pie two hours ago.'_

"Well come inside! It's cold enough out here to freeze the tits off a frog."

' _Frogs have tits?'_ Sam wondered.

They then stepped inside the grand foyer, at which point Sam set down their luggage and the host gifts and then helped Ainsley take off her coat. As Sam reached down to pick up the host gifts, Mama scolded Ainsley. "Ainsley Charlotte Hayes! Where are your manners? Aren't you going to introduce us to this fine young man?"

"Yes, Mama. Daddy, Mama, this is my boyfriend, Samuel Seaborn. Samuel, these are my parents Robert James Hayes the 3rd and Georgiana Hayes." She said.

"It's nice to finally meet you, Samuel. Ainsley has told us so much about you." Her father said.

"It's a pleasure to meet you as well, sir. Thank you so much for welcoming me into your lovely home." He handed Ainsley's father a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue scotch before he presented a jar of McClure's New Hampshire maple syrup.

XXXXXXXXXX

Is this how you expected Sam meeting her parents to go?


	12. Keeping up with Robert Hayes

Keeping Up With Robert Hayes (aka Keeping up with the Hayes' Part 2)

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to West Wing, Hamilton, or Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

This chapter takes place in the context of the Bartlet for America episode.

Note: I swear I'm trying to get back on a regular posting schedule. This chapter sequence is a little trickier than I expected.

XXXXXXXX

After everyone else had gone to bed, Robert Hayes held open the double French Doors to his Study. "Care to join me for a night cap?"

"Yes, sir." Sam bit his lip as he followed Ainsley's father through the French doors and sat down in the leather chair across from Robert, who poured two glasses of ice water at the bar cart next to his antique gun collection displayed on the wall.

He handed Sam ice water before returning to the bar cart. "Here you go, Sam."

"Thank you, Sir." Sam answered before his gaze returned to the gun collection display.

"Please, call me Rob." Robert set out two glasses on the bar cart before he opened the box of Johnnie Walker Blue. *ja-jing-jing….. ting-a-jingle-ling. … schhhhllll-IIPPP* The charm that dangled off the cork jingled as he peeled foil wrap off of the bottle. He glanced at the antique guns. "Don't worry, they're not loaded."

' _Oh, thank God._ ' Relief washed over Sam.

"The loaded ones are locked up." He handed Sam a glass. "So Sam, Ainsley says you've been working tirelessly on the State of the Union Speech."

"Yes, Sir…. uh I mean Rob."

"You're a hard worker, and you've got grit. I like that. You also take good care of my Ainsley, which I like even more." ' _Unlike that jacka** Chad she used to date.'_ "I heard about how you handled those jacka**es who harassed our Ainsley." He said as Sam noticed a young woman with strawberry blond hair in some of the pictures who he did not recognize.

"I just couldn't let anyone treat her like that, ... I'd do anything for her."

"You see, that's all a father, or a good father anyway, wants for his little girl: a man who is completely devoted to her." He blinked and folded his lip inward as he glanced at a picture of the mysterious woman. ' _And for our children to have that chance.'_

Sam bit his lip. "I don't know if you know what happened with my parents, but I want you to know that I will never hurt her."

"Ah, yes." Robert sipped his scotch. "I know all about what happened with your dad. And no worries, Son. I learned a long time ago that a man is not destined to become his father."

' _Funny, Ainsley said the same exact thing.'_ Sam pursed his lips.

XXXXXXXXXX

Thoughts on Ainsley's father?

Is he who you expected him to be?

Did you notice the little tribute to Sam?


	13. Keeping Up with the Hayes Part 3

I apologize for the lack of updates. My life has been all over the place and I've been at a bit of a standstill when it comes to my writing. I'm trying to get out of that rut. I promise you that I won't abandon this story. On a different note, I hope that everyone is staying safe and healthy during these uncertain times. Stay safe and stay healthy.

Disclaimer: This takes place in the context of the Bartlet for America episode.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

*vuh-ruuum pop duh-ruuuuuummmmm POP* The fireplace crackled.

"Abbey Bartlet knew of her husband's condition." Sam played Risk with Ainsley's nieces Reagan, Eloise, and Ava as he and Ainsley's brother, Wesley, watched Leo's hearing.

"Yes." Leo said.

"And she kept it to herself." Congressman Dearborn continued.

"Well, I don't know who she kept it to, Congressman." Leo retorted.

"She didn't tell you."

Ainsley stood in the doorway. "Just wanted to let y'all know that it's lunchtime."

*vuh-RRRRUUUMMMMM… vuh-RRRRRUUUMMMMM…..* Sam's phone vibrated as he turned off the television. ' _Not now Josh.'_ "Okay, we're coming."

Ainsley peered over at the game board. "Sam, ….. What color are you?"

"Blue. Why?"

"You know we don't let the kids win, right?"

"There's still time. …. Risk is a long game." Sam insisted as Wesley, Eloise, Reagan, and Ava headed towards the dining room.

"Too bad this one's not televised." Ainsley teased.

"Oh, you be quiet." ' _Am I ever gonna live that one down?'_

Miss Adeline stopped Sam when he entered the kitchen. "Mr. Seaborn, there's a gentleman named Josh Lyman on the phone for you."

Sam answered the phone. "Hey, Josh. We're 'bout to sit down for lunch. Can I call ya back?"

"It's about today."

"Josh, I can't ….."

Josh tilted his head forward as he squinted. ' _Leo. Alcohol. Valium.'_ "Sam."

Sam's expression hardened. "Gimme a sec." He addressed Georgiana. "I apologize, Georgiana, but I have to take this. Please, go on without me." He turned to Rob. "Rob, would it be alright if I took this call in your study?"

"Sure thing, Sam."

"Thank you, Rob."

Ainsley made eye contact with him. ' _Everything okay?'_

' _I don't think so.'_ "I'm gonna back call you on my cell in just a sec."

He stepped out of the kitchen and into the study before he closed the door. *tuh-CLUNK*

*BEE-rp BEEP berp berp bEERP BEERP BEERP Beep beep berp* Sam dialed Josh's phone number.

"You alone now?" Josh ran his hands through his hair.

"Yeah."

"I need somebody in the Steel Lobby…. ta speak to Darren Gibson ri' away." Josh raised his eyebrows. "Sometime toward the end of this hour."

' _Easy.'_ "Jim Jericho."

' _Already tried that.'_ "Jim Jericho's who I had. He had to leave town. His wife is sick. …. Who else do we have? …. One of our people?"

"Nick Grindell."

Josh shook his head. "Hughhh." ' _Come on, Sam. I don't think you understand what's at stake.'_

"Well, I'll get to somebody." ' _What's going on, Josh?'_

' _Wait. That might work.'_ "What if ….."

"Nope." Sam cut him off.

"Ya don't even know what I was gonna say."

"You want Ainsley ta talk to Cliff."

' _Okay, maybe you did know.'_ "Yeah."

' _Yeah... not happening.'_ "No."

"But-" ' _I bet she'd do it if she knew that Gibson saw Leo drunk the night Bartlet collapsed at the final debate.'_

"Not happening." Sam reiterated. "What's this about?"

' _Take a wild guess._ ' Josh pursed his lips. "Nothing."

"It's not 'bout nothin'. You wanted Ainsley ta get Gibson outta the room."

Josh stayed silent for a moment. "I'd like'em all outta the room."

' _Wouldn't we all._ ' "Josh. …. What's Gibson got?"

' _You know I can't tell ya that.'_ "... You'll getta guy for me?"

' _Leo? Alcohol? Valium? …. Something worse?'_ "Yeah." Sam hung up the phone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam sat in Robert's study with the phone to his ear. "Hey, Josh. I'm sorry, but I tried everybody."

Josh rubbed his forehead. "It's alright."

"I tried everybody." Sam repeated. "It was just a tough fit. … An' since I couldn't tell 'em what it was about-"

"Yeah…... Thanks for trying."

"Yeah."

"Merry Christmas."

"Thanks."

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam sat on the floor across from Ainsley's brother, Trey, as the Risk game continued. "Your turn, Reagan."

"The Chair recognizes the gentleman from Michigan, Mr. Gibson, for five minutes."

Sam glanced at the television when Ainsley sat down next to him. ' _Here we go.'_

"Thank you, Mr. Chairman. …. Two years ago, January, the President collapsed in the Oval Office. …. Is that correct?" Gibson asked.

"I'm not sure what the medical term would be."

"He involuntarily fell to the ground."

Leo nodded. "Yes."

' _Boy, Sam, you sure are getting your a** kicked.'_ Ainsley thought as Eloise blocked Sam from conquering a territory.

"Will Minority Counsel stipulate that we can call that collapsing?" Gibson asked. The Minority Counsel nodded as Cliff glanced at him. "Let the record reflect that Minority Counsel has nodded his head up and down, so as to indicate an affirmative response."

"So ordered." The Chairman confirmed.

"Is this the only time since the President took the Oath of Office that he's collapsed?"

Leo leaned towards the microphone as Ava made her move. "So far as I know."

"Is this the only time since the beginning of the campaign that he's collapsed?" ' _Now I've got ya.'_

' _Here we go.'_ "... No, it's not." Leo looked down at his hands.

' _I'm sorry, Leo. I tried. I really did.'_ Sam regretted.

Ainsley squeezed Sam's hand. ' _It's gunna be okay, Babe.'_

' _What the h*** is going on, Leo?'_ Leo's lawyer, Jordan, looked at him.

' _What's this about?'_ Cliff looked back at the Chairman.

' _No idea.'_ The Chairman shrugged.

The committee members glanced at each other as Gibson continued. "I'd like to take you back to 30 October in St. Louis, Missouri. Jed Bartlet is the Democratic nominee for President and is about to participate in the third and final debate-"

Jordan interrupted Gibson. "Mr. Chairman, I would like to request a short recess."

"We just got back from a recess." The Chairman argued.

"Sir, we have taken breaks at the request of nearly every member of this Committee, while the witness has asked for a total of none. …. One time, Mr. Chairman." Jordan retorted.

Just as Reagan finished her turn, the Chairman looked down and sighed as he looked back up. ' _Alright, fine.'_ "We'll take a five-minute break. …. Please, let's keep it to ten minutes." *POOOOWWWWWWW*

' _Everything'll be okay.'_ Ainsley rubbed his shoulder. ' _With Leo I mean. Your game's a lost cause.'_

"It's your turn, Mr. Sam." Reagan said.

XXXXXXXXX

Snow blanketed the estate's grounds as Reagan, Ava, and Sam continued their game and Ainsley and Trey watched the Hearing. "Your move, Ava." Sam said.

"Babe, they're back." Ainsley piped in as she sat on the opposite couch.

Sam's eyes fixated on the television as Ava dashed his last chance of making a comeback.

*POW! POW! POW!* The Chairman pounded the gavel. "Let's come to order. …. Mr. Gibson, you can proceed with your questioning."

Cliff sighed. ' _I'm sorry, Donna and Ainsley. I tried.'_

' _Bring it, Gibson.'_ Leo stared Gibson down.

"Mr. McGarry, 30 October in St. Louis, Missouri, the date Jed Bartlet was…"

' _This is ridiculous.'_ The Chairman held up his hand. "No, I'm sorry. …. Mr. McGarry. It's been a long day and, unless Counsel has an objection, I'm gonna resume this after the holidays."

"What?" Leo was shocked.

Cliff sighed. ' _Thank God.'_

Gibson glared at the Chairman. ' _I had'im.' "_Mr. Chairman…"

"Mr. Calley." The Chairman addressed Cliff.

Cliff spoke into the microphone. "Mr. McGarry, that concludes our questioning for today… We'll pick it up here when the Chairman gavels these hearings back to order."

Sam looked at Ainsley. "I'll be right back. I gotta speak to Ainsley privately."

XXXXXXX

*tru-CLUNK* Sam closed the doors to Rob's study behind himself and Ainsley. "Ainsley, I need you to tell me right now what on earth happened."

"What are you talking about?"

"About Leo's hearing." Sam paced.

"How should I know?" ' _What the h*** is going on?'_ Ainsley stood next to the side of the dogwood hutch.

"Josh didn't call you?"

"Call me 'bout what?"

"Ainsley, I need ya to be straight wit' me so I know what I'm dealing with."

"Wha' in the Sam Hill are you even talkin' 'bout?" ' _No pun intended.'_

"Everything that just happened wit' Leo's Hearing… Are you telling me that you didn't have anything to do with that?"

"Yes." ' _You mean did I slip away to call Cliff? When do you suppose I arranged this?'_

"Josh didn't call an' ask you to get Cliff to interfere wit' Gibson's questioning?"

"No. Sam, you're goin' ta make me lose my religion if you keep this up."

"You're sure that you didn't talk ta Josh today." Sam repeated.

' _I swear to God, if that boy asks me that one more time.'_ "Oohhhh…. I'm sorry. You meant did I talk to Josh today about Gibson questioning Leo? ….. No, I didn't. " Ainsley snapped.

"Okay, okay. I get it." Sam put his hands up in surrender. "Hey, Babe?"

"Yeah?"

Sam stepped towards her. "I'm sorry for doubting you."

"It's okay." She wrapped her arms around Sam.

Sam stroked her hair. "Merry Christmas, sweetheart."

"Merry Christmas, Sam." Ainsley clutched the base of his head as she kissed him.

XXXXXXX

'Chestnuts roasting on an open fire,' Ainsley sang as her sister, Eliza, accompanied her on the piano and the rest of the family sat by the Christmas tree as they ate Coconut Cake.

*rrrrummmm buh-drum PAH-PAH rrrrrrrrruuuuuummmm buh-drum-drum-ddddruuumm pah-POW* Sam sat next to the fireplace with Ainsley's brother, John David **.** ' _Wow, my family's never been like this… Were we ever a happy family?'_

XXXXXXXXX

What's your take on Sam's reaction to the situation?

Assuming this happened after the Bartlet Administration was out of office, how do you think our West Wing characters would be handling the Coronavirus and quarantine?

How are you doing with the quarantine? What are you doing to pass the time? Are you working from home? Are you binge-watching West Wing?


	14. Raindrops Keep Falling On Sam's Head

Raindrops Keep Falling on Sam's Head

Disclaimer: I do not own West Wing or the chapter title references the song 'Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head' from the movie 'Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid'.

XXXXXXXX

' _Why'd C.J. have to agree to letting Lisa interview me? I mean my ex-fiancé of all people? Really?'_ The rain pounded Sam's head and back as he stood outside Ainsley's apartment. "Hey, Ainse. It's me." Sam said into her apartment's intercom.

"Hey, Sam! Come on up!" She replied as she buzzed him in.

*Knock, Knock.*

"Just a second."

Ainsley opened up her door to find a soaked Sam who had come with two takeout pizzas, one ham and pineapple and one Supreme pizza, and ice cream in hand. "Babe, you look absolutely exhausted. And you're the sweetest thing ever for bringing me takeout and ice cream."

"I figured it was the least I could do since I got here so late." Sam put the ice cream in the freezer.

"Like I said, you're the sweetest thing and the best boyfriend ever." Ainsley kissed him.

"Hey Babe- before I forget-"

"Mmmm" Ainsley mumbled into his neck. "You wanted me to be on top tonight? ….. As you wish, Master Sam."

' _Well… yes please.'_ "Seriously."

Ainsley stopped unbuttoning his shirt. "Okay I'm listening." She set out the pizza on the counter.

"So CJ said that Vanity Fair's gonna do a staff profile on me, she said that they wanted to focus on my 'energetic energy'-"

"I'm pretty sure you can't say 'energetic energy' –"

"That's what I said."

"-unless if you're CJ Cregg."

"Well anyway, they wanna do a profile on me-"

"That's great, Sam!"

"But the thing is, is Lisa's writing it."

"Okay." Ainsley took a bite of pizza. "And how do you feel about this?"

"I don't know. I mean, she left me once I took a Campaign Staffer's salary with low job security." Sam paused. "But I'm more concerned about how you, my love, feel about this."

"That doesn't bother me at all. I mean I can't blame Vanity Fair for wanting a staff profile on the hottest and energetic Senior Staffer, something I can personally attest to if they need a second source." Ainsley kissed him.

"So you're really okay with me doing this interview?"

"Yes, Babe." She murmured into his chest. "And you're freezing. You need a hot shower. But think we should take it together- you know, to save the planet."

"Republicans care about -?"

Ainsley put a finger to her lips before brushing his as she led him to the shower.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

How is everyone coping with the quarantine? What are you doing to stay busy and entertained?

Does pineapple belong on pizza? Who do you think is the one who likes ham and pineapple pizza, Sam or Ainsley? Why?


	15. The Man That Got Away Part 1

The Man That Got Away Part 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to West Wing, Hamilton, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, or A Star is Born. The Chapter title comes from the song 'The Man That Got Away' sung by the great and legendary Judy Garland in the movie 'A Star is Born'.

This chapter takes place in the context of the episode '100,000 Airplanes'.

I'm dedicating this chapter to all of the American heroes who are doing their part to solve the Coronavirus crisis. Thank you to all of our healthcare employees who put their lives on the line to save ours. As President Bartlet once said, "They ran *into* the fire." Thank you to our medical researchers, our grocery store employees and takeout/fast food employees and restaurants, and our teachers. Thank you to everyone who's making masks and raising or donating money to relief and scientific research. Thank you to the organizations that are doing the same and to the companies who are donating supplies. Thank you to all of the companies and clubs who are using their skills and who converted their facilities to make supplies. Thank you to all of the first responders who are keeping order in our communities and continue to keep us safe in the midst of all of our chaos. To quote President Bartlet once again, "This is a time for American heroes. We will do what is hard. We will achieve what is great. This is a time for American heroes and we reach for the stars."

XXXXXXXX

Energy buzzed in the National Strategies Group Bullpen. "We stand ... at a critical point, a time of choosing... If we take the hard course, the right course, ... there ... is … no ... limit to what we can achieve. …. There... is … no... limit to what we will achieve…" Congress applauded President Bartlet as he gave his State of the Union speech.

Sam approached Lisa who watched the speech on the multitude of television screens in the Bullpen. "The dials go from zero ... to 100….. They dial up … if they like what he's saying. ….. They dial down... if they don't. ..… All the numbers lead … to a central computer."

"Like the Nielsen's."

"...Yeah."

"They're behind a screen somewhere."

Sam scanned the screens. "Huh?"

"The people with the dials... They're behind a screen somewhere." Lisa repeated.

*tch-CHOO… tch-CHOO* Cameras flashed as Sam pointed to the other monitors on the wall. "They're in Macomb County, they're in Portland, in Los Feliz, California, Norman, Oklahoma. … Joey puts together a decent snapshot."

"Which one's ... Joey?" Lisa followed Sam's gaze to her left.

"huh…. Kenny!" Sam called out to a brown-haired man as he stepped past Lisa. "Can we get Joey a second?"

Kenny tapped a petite woman's shoulder and translated the message in sign language. Joey gestured at Sam to wait a minute and Sam signed 'Thank you'.

Lisa raised her eyebrows. "When'd you pick that up?"

Sam turned to Lisa. "I jus' said thanks." *tcha-CHOO tcha-CHOO* The photographer continued to snap pictures as Sam furrowed his brow. "Could he go easy ... wi' the pictures?"

Lisa took notes. "You said it wouldn't be a problem."

"When di' I say that?"

"C.J. Cregg... said it wouldn't be a problem." Lisa looked up.

Sam stepped towards Lisa. ' _Of course she did….. She enjoys my pain.'_

Joey and Kenny approached them and Sam introduced Joey to Lisa. "Joey, this is Lisa Sherborne…. She's doing a piece for Vanity Fair."

Kenny translated Joey's sign language. "I don't have a lotta time right now."

"What do the different lines mean?" Lisa stood with her notebook ready.

"Red's for Republicans, blue's for Democrats, and green's for Independents. When we say something liberal, ... like…" Joey answered.

' _Don't hate me, Ainsley.'_ "Death ... is bad." Sam pursed his lips and then looked up at the monitor.

"Right." Joey agreed.

Joey continued. "Blues go up and reds go down... When we talk about values, reds and greens go up. ... You're usually lucky to break 65. ... I gotta get back now."

Sam and Lisa watched the screens as the dials stayed constant in the middle fifty's range.

The speech continued. "I have abiding respect for the Speaker of the House ... and the Majority Leader. … They are men of fundamental decency and public servants ... of purpose."

"How much of this did you write?" Lisa asked over the applause.

"We don't really talk about that."

"You think there's anything you're gonna talk about, or is this gonna be an extraction?" Lisa looked at Sam.

' _Hey look, this wasn't my idea.'_ Sam clenched his face.

"...to the men and women … of both chambers, who have labored to shed the weight of partisanship … an' donned the cloak of progress."

"Lines don't seem to be doin' much." Lisa commented.

Sam raised his index finger. "Hang on."

*tcha-CHOO* The photographer took another picture.

"It may be said ... that in the last half-century, America won the Cold War … and modeled freedom … for a waiting world. Today, we are faced with a new challenge..."

"Breaking out the greatest hits, huh?" Lisa nodded.

"...Now in a new century, when we meet … and master ... new forms of aggression and hatred, ... ignorance and evil, ... our vigilance in the face of oppression and global terror ... will be unequaled ... by any moment … in human history." The applause thundered as the polling data went up.

"Now you're cookin'." She said.

President Bartlet's voice resonated in the chamber. "And to the enemies of freedom, ... the enemies of democracy, ... the enemies of America, ... the enemies of humanity itself, … we … say … here ... tonight … with one voice. … There is no corner of this earth so remote, … no cave so dark, ... that you will not be found ... an' brought to light … and ended." Congress gave President Bartlet a standing ovation.

"That's … a number spike." ' _Wow. … He's really in his element, isn't he?'_

Sam stepped towards the man at the control center. "Hey, ... crank that up."

"You broke 65 in all the lines." Lisa said. ' _Why aren't you more excited?'_

"We nearly had one almost as big."

"What?" Lisa asked.

Sam examined the screens. "I said we nearly had one almost as big."

"What was it?"

"We almost cured cancer."

' _What? What's the story there?'_ "Really?" Lisa asked.

"This close." Sam gestured an inch with his thumb and finger.

"What happened?"

Sam shrugged. "Just one of those things."

' _Since when do you, of all people, let that get cut?'_ Lisa thought.

XXXXXXXXXX

Assuming that none of the characters were in public office at the time (perhaps they were retired, political consultants, lobbyists, taking a break and working in the private sector, etc), how do you think they(each character) would react to the quarantine?


	16. The Man That Got Away Part 2

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Hamilton, West Wing, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, or A Star is Born.

Notes: Rich- I apologize, I meant to get back to you sooner. Yes, Ainsley is too young to have a father who was an Admiral during WW2. What I meant was that he eventually attained the rank of Admiral. When C.J. referred to him in 'C.J. Cregg I am!', she was using the title he retired with.

This picks up where the last chapter left off.

XXXXXXXXXXX

*tch-CUNNNGGG* Sam opened the door to the Lobby and entered with Lisa and the photographer. "Sam Seaborn!" A man announced Sam's arrival.

The crowd applauded Sam. "Thank you. Thank you. I'm at Ha Ha's in Cleveland on the 16th, …. and tip your waitresses." He shook a brunette woman's hand.

Josh skipped through the crowd. "Sam."

' _Josh!'_ Sam lifted his chin with a smile.

Josh gave Sam a brotherly hug. "Congratulations."

"Hey, you too."

"So far so good, huh?"

Sam nodded and creased his forehead. "The dials were what we thought. We'll wait for the overnights." ' _But don't hold your breath.'_

"Lisa." Josh smirked. ' _Wow, she's looking good. You sure Ainsley's okay with this?'_

"Josh." Lisa replied.

"Still trying to get waived inna Generation X?"

"Still a pompous jackass?" Lisa smiled and tilted her head.

"Oh ohhhhh, ... you betcha... See ya later." Josh walked away.

"Congratulations, Sam." A man said as they headed for the drinks table.

"Tell me 'bout the cancer thing." Lisa said.

"Ha-ugghhh." Sam sighed. "It got cut." Sam turned to the bartender. "Jack Daniels."

' _Well no sh**, Sherlock.'_ "You were gonna cure cancer."

Sam nodded. "We were gonna say we were gonna cure cancer. ….. Curing it … is someone else's department."

"How does that work?" Lisa asked

"How does what work?" Sam retorted.

' _Cut the c***. You know f****** well what.'_ "Deciding what you're gonna say."

"You mean….. Writin' the State of the Union?" Sam furrowed his brow.

' _Yes, you jack***.'_ "Yeah."

Sam took a sip of his drink. "... uh….. It's a long story."

' _That's the idea.' "_ I'm writing a long story."

Sam swallowed. "Do you do any kinda preparation before you come ta report…"

Lisa looked down. "I prefer to…"

"Hang out at Moomba?" Sam's forehead creased.

' _Really, Sam? Moomba? … Come on, I have a job to do here.'_ Lisa stared at Sam.

' _Okay fine.'_ Sam looked down and pursed his lips. "The process begins six weeks beforehand wi' budget meetings."

' _Finally.'_ "Why budget meetings?"

"'Cause … if we're introducing a new idea, people're gonna wanna know how we pay for it." Sam raised his eyebrows. "Memos are written … they come from everywhere. ….. Every agency, ... department, ... senior advisor, ...outside notable-"

Lisa took notes. "What's an outside notable?"

"Former presidents, ... Henry Kissinger, Bill Gates, Jesse Jackson, … Mr. Rogers wants to write us a memo, we'll read it. … We'll pass some of them on to the President an' he'll start makin' notes in the margins. … Then we have "The ... President's … First ... Thoughts"... meeting. … That's … when we all wanna kill ourselves." Sam sipped his drink.

"Why?"

"'Cause that's when the President tells us we're nowhere." Sam explained.

"Why?"

" 'Cause we're nowhere. ... So, we try ta figure out what people wanna hear. … And that's ... when anybody who didn't want to kill themselves before ... has certainly been converted to the cult."

"Why's this so hard?" Lisa inquired.

" 'Cause it's a white piece a paper." Sam said.

"How high are the stakes?" Lisa asked as they walked towards the buffet line.

"How high can ya count?"

"So what do you do?"

"Whatever it takes to get started. … An' we read new memos, ... an' we try new themes, ... an' we hear new slogans, ... an' we test new lines, ... an' after a few weeks of that…... we've still gotta white piece a paper."

Lisa and Sam loaded up their plates in the buffet line. "So it's hard?"

Sam looked back at her. "Hmm?"

"It's hard." Lisa increased her volume.

"It's hard ... under the best … of circumstances. … Obviously, it got a little harder two weeks ago."

"What happened two weeks ago?"

They stood in silence for a moment before Sam looked at Lisa. ' _Oh.'_ "Congress censured the President."

"Yes." Sam confirmed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

C.J. walked through the Lobby as he focused his gaze on Joey and Kenny passed through the Bullpen. ' _Good, she's got something.'_ Sam entered the hallway as Joey approached the door.

*chul-LUM* Joey opened the door to the hallway.

"D'ya have anything?"

Joey shook her head. "No."

' _Bullsh**.'_ "I don't believe you."

' _Of course you don't_.' "I don't have anything."

"If you didn't have anything, ya wouldn't be out here at the party." Sam glanced to the side.

Joey shrugged as she looked around. "... I like parties."

 _'Don't get cute with me.' "What_ d'ya have?"

' _Fine.'_ "...I have the first twenty minutes."

Sam nodded. ' _Okay, that's something.'_ "Okay."

"You don't want the first twenty minutes."

' _Oh, this isn't good.'_ "Why?" Sam asked as Lisa walked up behind him.

"Sa-... Hi." Joey smiled at Lisa.

"Hi." Lisa replied.

Sam turned around. "I just need a minute, okay?"

"I can wait."

"I need ya to wait over there." Sam reiterated.

"...Okay." Lisa returned to the Lobby.

Joey, Kenny, and Sam stepped into the Bullpen. "Why don't I want the first twenty minutes?"

*tch-CHUNGk* The door closed behind Sam.

' _Fine.'_ "It's what we expected it would be." Joey started.

"Tell me."

"It was the censure. People saw it was…"

Sam closed his eyes. ' _This isn't good.' "_ Jus' tell me."

"Democrats, low to mid-fifties. ... Republicans, the high-thirties."

"Independents?" Sam inquired.

"Low-forties."

"You're kiddin' me."

"Sam…"

"Low 40s?" Sam asked.

"We knew the first twenty minutes…"

"Ten minutes. ... You said ten minutes and not this bad!" Sam interjected.

' _Would you calm down?'_ "Wait for the rest of the dials."

Sam paced. "We did Internet commerce in the first twenty minutes. We did child asthma…"

Joey scrunched her face. "He wasn't the President in the first twenty minutes. Wait for the rest of the dial groups."

"Ha-ugghhh…. Topline, cross-tabs, whatever you get, … I godda bad feeling 'bout tonight." Sam opened the door. *tch-INNGGG*

Sam paused in the hallway as Lisa sipped her wine at their table. He approached the table.

 _'He's back.' Lisa_ stood up. "Were those polling numbers?"

"No."

' _Bullsh**.'_ "What was that abou'?"

Sam glanced to the side. "It was polling numbers, but it was... it was nothing."

They sat down. "How's it look?"

Sam looked up. "It's too early to tell."

Lisa studied his face as he looked at the table. He looked back up at her and gave her a faint boyish smile.

Ed and Larry approached the table. "Sam…"

"Congratulations." Larry patted Sam's shoulder.

"You too." Sam looked at Lisa. "Ed, Larry, this is Lisa Sherborne from Vanity Fair."

"Uh … which one's Ed, which one's Larry?"

"Doesn't matter." Ed and Larry replied.

Just as Ed and Larry were leaving, Larry stopped. "Joey went back to the office."

"Thank you." Sam said.

"Ya don't have ta introduce me as Lisa Sherborne from Vanity Fair."

"I like to let them know they're talkin' to a reporter."

' _Oh, come on.'_ "You really are uncomfortable with me being here, right? ... You're not just, ... y'know, ... bein' you?"

' _They really do need to know that.'_ "I don't know what that means."

"How did curing cancer get cut from the State of the Union?"

"A lot of things got cut."

Lisa raised her eyebrows. "Curing cancer?"

' _It's not that simple… believe me, I tried.'_ "Hey, we hadda cut a section about making ... government ... manuals... easier to read, ... so ... curing cancer can take a number." Sam sipped his drink.

' _I don't believe this.'_ Lisa sat back in her chair. "Why're you pissed a' me?"

Sam looked at Lisa. "I'm not pissed at you. ... I'm working."

"You're done working."

' _No, Lisa. I'm really not.'_ Sam cut his steak. "I'm not done working. You're confused … because you see Absolut Cosmopolitans … an' famous people."

Lisa laughed and shook her head. "A section ... on government ... manuals."

XXXXXXXXXXX

Kenny called out to C.J. as she mingled in the lobby. "C.J.!"

' _Oh! It's time!'_ C.J. whipped her neck around to look back at Kenny. She held up her index finger. "Would you excuse me?" She followed Kenny to the Bullpen with a drink in her hand.

Every staffer was gathered around Joey and Kenny in the Bullpen. "Well, … something happened at the half-hour mark."

' _Get on with it!'_ "What?" Toby held a clear cup with a plastic green straw.

"They … remembered why they liked him in the first place. ... The breakdowns are being handed around, ... but the really good news … are the panel backs. Sixteen Democrats, ... sixteen Republicans, ... and twelve Independents ..… were asked ... identical questions two days ago and one hour ago. Two days ago, … 48% said he was … able to handle his job effectively. ... Tonight, that number's 59."

"YAYY!" The staffers cheered.

" 'Trustworthy' 60%, up from 41."

"Give us the real one." Toby chewed gum.

The staff trembled as Joey spoke. " ….. 'Strong leader'..." She smiled. "69%."

The staffers gave an enthusiastic cheer. "WOOOO! Ya HOOO!"

Josh flexed his arms above his head. "We're back! … Yes! ... Yes!"

Sam kissed Ainsley. ' _You did it, Babe.'_ He smiled at Toby and hugged him. ' _Well done!'_

' _Don't get used to this 'hugging me' thing.'_ Toby thought.

Josh kissed Joey on the cheek. He kissed Donna's cheek and hugged her. C.J. kissed Toby on the cheek several times. Sam high fived Larry as Ed cheered. Josh lifted C.J. up in the air.

From the end of the hall, the staffers parted and applauded as Bartlet walked up and Leo behind him. Bartlet put his arms around Sam and Toby. "Somebody, get these guys some pie."

C.J. stepped towards Joey. "Joey, is there an extra copy of the panel backs? I didn't get one."

Kenny held up his index finger. "I got one." Joey retrieved a copy from a stack of papers.

"Thanks." She ran to her office.

"C.J.!" Toby called out.

C.J. glanced back at Toby. "Hang on!"

"Dance with me!"

C.J. skipped. "Hang on! ... I'm just gonna toss this in my office." She kissed the panel backs.

Carol followed C.J. as she entered her office. "Congratulations, boss."

"Nice job." C.J. pointed to Carol from behind her desk. "Take the rest of the night off."

"Yeah, ... it's one in the morning." Carol handed her additional polling data.

C.J. set her drink down. "Well, ... you earned it."

Sam knocked on the door and entered as Carol went back to the Bullpen. "Sam, Sam, ... the sunshine man. … Get on the couch, I'm gonna do ya right now." C.J. filed her paperwork.

"I'm taken."

"Sorry, I was still talkin' to Carol."

"What is wrong with you?" ' _Oh my God.'_

"We really don't know." C.J. chuckled as she made notes. "Lisa mentioned that it wasn't going that well tonight." She glanced down at her desk. "You still got a couple a weeks with her, you'll…"

"Yeah, ... I wish ... that we hadn't started tonight."

' _What?'_ C.J. picked up her drink. "Why? ... It was a shining moment."

"It got the job done, … but ... it's ironic, 'cause that … a thing, sort of … a thing, between us is I'm supposed ta know the difference between flash an' substance."

"Sometimes a little flash is what's required." C.J. stepped around the desk. "You … said that to me."

"I say that when I don't have anything to say."

"It wasn't a Vegas act." C.J. stepped around her desk. "It was stirring. … And I wouldn't hang your head when you say it got the job done. That job was impossible and it had to be done. There aren't ten guys in the country who could write that speech."

"I bet the Cancer Committee can't wait to buy me a beer."

' _Okay, Eeyore.'_ C.J. put a hand on Sam's chest before he continued. "Hey, I'm just, … y'know." Sam threw up his hands. "Anyway, congratulations. … And if you're serious about that thing wi' Carol, I can jus' sit in the corner an' not even s-" He glanced to the side.

C.J. laughed. "Get out!" She sipped her drink as Sam left.

XXXXXXXXXXX

*ch-UNNGG* Sam opened the door to the Bullpen as he and Lisa entered the Bullpen. "Sorry. I was just getting some numbers."

"Can you tell me what they were?" Lisa inquired.

"They're internal numbers. … CNN/USA Today will have something in a little while."

' _Okay, I'm not doing this.'_ Lisa decided.

"... Anyway, this is my office over here." He turned back to Lisa.

"Sam, … I'm gonna give my notes from tonight ta someone else and let them finish the reporting over the next few weeks. … You're ... obviously ... not comfortable with this."

Sam stepped toward Lisa. "They're internal numbers, Lisa, ... I can't…"

"Yeah, whatever." She raised her eyebrows. "I'm gonna give my notes ta someone else."

"...Anyway." Sam turned around and headed towards his office as Lisa followed him. "This is my office."

Lisa nodded. "It's nice." She picked up a picture on his shelf of Sam with his mom when he graduated Law School. ' _I remember taking that picture.'_

Sam paused. "CJ asked if the reason we didn't get married is because your name would be Sherborne-Seaborn."

Lisa looked back at him. ' _HA!'_ "That's exactly …. why we didn't get married." She put the picture back.

Sam looked away. "Why didn't we get married?"

' _He did not just ask me that.'_ Lisa turned to face Sam. "Why do you think?"

"'Cause I don't know what the cool restaurant is and I don't care." He walked towards his desk. "When I get hungry, I wanna eat. … I don't know where the Tommy Hilfiger party is, an' I dunno what to do once I get there." He looked back at Lisa.

"You're full of crap."

He looked down at his desk and then up at Lisa. "I was never cool enough for you."

"You're full of crap, and you think too little of me." She walked towards him. "And I didn't leave you. … You left me, and you did it to do this."

"Yea, that's right. You made me choose between you and the Campaign."

' _Yea, because how were we supposed to do a long distance marriage?'_ "The fact that you picked the Campaign over me says a lot. It's exactly what your Dad would have done."

"First of all, you knew I wasn't happy at Gage Whitney, a job I took so you could work towards your dream, and that they knowingly used me to help oil companies avoid legal consequences. I carry that guilt with me every day."

"Oh, so I made you stay at that job? Now it's my fault?"

"I took that job to make you happy so I could give you the life you wanted. We both know that the real reason why me going on the Campaign Trail was such a big deal was because I'd be making less money."

' _It's not that simple.' "_ But how was my career supposed to fit in with your new life? Do you know any major fashion magazines in DC?" ' _And how were we supposed to build a life on a campaign staffer's salary? We didn't even think Bartlet was gonna win at that point.'_

"No." ' _Good point._ "Lisa, look. … We both made choices that led us to where we are now. If I didn't leave you, you probably woulda left me. We jus' weren't right. An' if we did end up together, I would've never met Ainsley or found my calling and you probably wouldn't be in the job you have now."

"Ainsley- she's the one who kicked your a**, right?"

"You watched that?"

"Yes. And I thoroughly enjoyed it." She chuckled. "Isn't she's a Republican?"

"Yup."

"That's gotta be interesting."

Sam laughed. "Oh, it sure is."

"She's The One, isn't she?"

"Yes." Sam beamed.

"I can tell by the way you light up when you talk about her, or even when you hear her name. You were never like that with me." Lisa said.

"I'm sorry."

"Oh that's nothing to apologize for…. I want someone who's like that for me, not someone who'd be like that for someone else."

Sam scrunched his eyes. "...Here's something interesting…. In 1940, our armed forces weren't among the 12 … most … formidable in the world, but obviously ... we were gonna fight a big war. …. And Roosevelt said … the U.S. would produce 50,000 planes in the next four years. … Everyone thought it was a joke, and it was…. 'Cause it turned out we produced 100,000 planes. We gave the air force an armada that would block the sun." Sam smiled.

They were silent for a moment before Lisa spoke again. "D'you still have what you wrote that night?"

"... About curin' cancer?"

"Yeah."

Sam walked to his desk and opened up the document on his laptop. *kip…. kip kip…. truh-ip.* Sam scrunched his brows.

"Read it to me." She sat down.

"Over the past half-century, … we've split the atom, ... we've spliced the gene, … and we've roamed Tranquility Base. … We've reached for the stars ... and never have we been closer to having them in our grasp. ... New science, … new technology... is making the difference between life and death, and so we need a national commitment equal to this unparalleled moment of possibility. … And so, I announce to you tonight, that I will bring the full resources of the federal government … and the full reach of my office to this fundamental goal: …. we will cure cancer by the end of this decade."

"That was nice." Lisa paused. "I'll pass the notes along."

Ainsley poked her head in. "Hey, Sam. You ready?"

He smiled. "Yeah, jus' a sec."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	17. The Way You Look Tonight

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to West Wing, Hamilton, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, or Frank Sinatra's The Way You Look Tonight.

This takes place in the context of the Night Five episode.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Leo sat at his desk as he read the UN speech and then he looked up. "Toby?"

Toby paced. "Yeah?"

Leo scratched his necked. "The pacing."

"Yeah." ' _Okay.'_ Toby stood with his hands behind his back and sighed as his eyes darted around the room. "Hmm-mph."

Leo looked up again. "...Okay, now the standin' still is bothering me a little bit."

"Hmpff." Toby sighed. ' _Okay.'_ He sat down and stroked his forehead. "This is the fifth time you're reading it. Are there words in there ya don't understand?" Leo took off his glasses as he stared Toby in the eye before Toby continued. "Of course there wouldn't be, 'cause you can't rise to a position like yours without-" He played with his tie before he stood up and resumed pacing. "HAA-uggg… Look, this is exactly … what we said we wanted it to be." Toby's volume escalated. "We said we were tired of reading about the President's scattershot foreign policy. We said - you want to fillet me for this, fine. We said when we go to the U.N., we were gonna-"

"I think it's great."

"We said we were gonna... Yeah?"

Leo's forehead creased. "I do." He grinned. "You know your wife's goin' ta have something to say about it, though."

"My ex-wife." Toby glanced down.

"Yeah." Leo confirmed.

"Why do you call her my wife?" Toby asked.

"It bothers you."

"Everything bothers me."

"Yeah."

He tilted his head. "But you pick that?"

Leo shrugged. "Yeah."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Toby strode through the Bullpen with folders in his hand. "He liked it."

' _Gotta get this done.'_ Sam leaned against a desk. "Yeah?" '

Toby stopped just before his doorway. "Heee... liked it a lot. Mostly what I wrote, not so much what you wrote." He headed into his office.

Sam crinkled his forehead. "Yeah? So how long do you think 'fore the old lady comes by ta give ya a whoopin'?"

' _She's not my old lady, not anymore.'_ He stopped and turned around. "Her office called already, didn't they?

Sam grinned. "You bet, baby."

' _Oh, God.'_ "HA-uggghhh." Toby groaned. "You prolly wanna rethink callin' me "baby," righ'?"

Sam chuckled. "Yeah."

Toby went into his office just as Ainsley glided through the Bullpen in a black evening gown.

Sam noticed Ainsley. "Whoa, Nellie!" ' _Holy sh**, she looks good.'_

"Hello." Ainsley smiled. ' _Wouldn't you like to take this dress off?'_

Sam stood up. "Hayes, you could make a good dog break his leash."

A woman in a gray sweater and cardigan filed paperwork at a desk. ' _Excuse me?'_

' _And you'll get to break your leash soon enough. Get to work.'_ "We have a social function to get to."

Sam raised his eyebrows. "Americans for the Preservation of Family Values an' White People?"

' _You do wanna get lucky, right?'_ Ainsley batted her eyelashes. "The Federalist Society."

"A hootenanny." He headed toward his office and Ainsley followed him.

"So what do we got?"

"32-50... is a consolidated appropriations act that we wanna drop in the U.N. speech

… for Monday morning. I need you to review the final legislative language so we can shop it ...

'round the Hill over the weekend." Sam looked through his files.

Ainsley put her hand on her hip. "What does it call for?"

"Uh, I don't know."

"Sam."

He handed her papers. "It authorizes payment of nine hundred and twenty-six million in U.N. dues … over three years … for an exchange in the reduction of U.N. bureaucracy, as well as peace-keeping assessments by the General Assembly."

She read the documents. "And what are we concerned about?

"Well, the language was drafted by Republicans." Sam raised his eyebrows.

Ainsley flipped through the pages. "We're inscrutable."

Sam smiled. "I just want you to look for legal land mines."

"Like what?"

Sam shrugged. "I dunno. … A ban on German food ... or a hidden amendment saying how annoying the French are."

"How 'bout this? We drop out the U.N. entirely … an' use the 926 million to take everybody in the country out to brunch?" Ainsley rolled up the speech. ' _Or better yet, work towards paying off the National Debt so we don't have to declare bankruptcy. That'd be nice.'_

Sam nodded as he pointed his pen at her. "Why don't you write that suggestion in the margins?"

"I'll be in my office." Ainsley swung her hips on her way out of the office as her hair trailed down her back. '

"Whoa. I didn't even see that thing from the back." He pictured the dress falling to the floor as Ainsley gazed over her shoulder at him. Ainsley passed the woman in a gray cardigan and sweater set.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam called from his office. "Ginger?" He approached the Bullpen.

"She's not here." The woman in the gray cardigan organized documents that she printed.

"Is Bonnie here?"

"They went ta get something to eat."

Sam ambled towards the woman. "Have we met?"

"No. I'm Celia Walton." She shook Sam's hand.

"Sam Seaborn. You're one of the people ... who was sent over for the week?"

"Yeah." She smiled and nodded.

"We appreciated your helping out."

"I go where I'm told. …. D'you mind ... if I …. say something ... ta you?"

Sam read his documents. "No."

"The way you talked to that woman before." She crossed her wrists just below her torso.

Sam furrowed his brow. "What woman?"

"I don't know her name. …. The ... 'dog…. on a leash'."

Sam chuckled. "That was Ainsley Hayes. She's an Associate Counsel."

"Yeah. … It was rude ... it was inappropriate … and it was offensive."

' _What?'_ "What did I do?"

' _Is he serious? Men.'_ "You demeaned her."

Sam shook his head. "No, … she's my girlfriend. I'm allowed to flirt wit' my girlfriend... y'know…. Also, … she started it." He furrowed his brow and creased his forehead.

' _Some boyfriend you are.'_ "Whatever."

He bit his lip. "Well… Okay." He headed to his office and then turned around. ' _How could that demean her? Am I not supposed to think about her like that?'_ "I wasn't demeaning her. ... I was complimenting her."

"She's an Associate White House Counsel and you're complimenting her on her sexuality?"

' _I compliment her on alotta things.'_ "She looked good in that dress I thought." ' _She always looks, but I mean like…. She looked extra good.'_

"Okay." Celia returned to her work.

*ta-DUMP ta-DUMP ta-DUMP ta-DUMP ta-DUMP ta-DUMP.* A redheaded woman marched in and glanced around the Bullpen. "Where is he?"

"Congresswoman?"

"Where is he, Sam?" She pursed her lips.

"Toby?" Sam raised his eyebrows.

' _Don't play dumb with me.'_ "Yes."

"I … do not know."

' _Bullsh**.'_ "Liar."

"You … wanna talk about the speech?"

"I, …. and members of the House International Relations Committee, … yes…. I couldn't

help but notice that your fingerprints are all over this too. ….. You an' Toby wanna be responsible for starting World War III?"

Sam shook his head. "No."

"Well, you're gonna." Andy's eyes grew wide.

Sam furrowed his brow. "I was having a good night … until, like, … three minutes ago."

"Where is he?"

He shook his head. "I don't know."

"...You said that already."

"But, … you've asked me again, and I still didn't know." Sam shrugged.

Andy stood in Toby's office doorway. "May I wait in his office?"

"Better his than mine." ' _She might … hurt me or something.'_

*BAM.* Andy slammed the door.

"HA-ugg." He sighed and turned back to Celia. "What were we talking 'bout?"

Celia looked up from the desk. " Look, ... I'm just a temporary hand here for a week, but … I don't think it's a joke or anything."

Sam's brows knit together. "And you say Ginger and Bonnie are out getting something … to … eat?"

She fiddled with post-its. "Yeah."

Toby entered the Bullpen with files. "I need these distributed." He handed the files to Celia.

"Andy's in your office."

' _What the h***, Sam?'_ "You let her in my office?"

"Yeah." ' _What was I supposed to do? I thought she might hurt me.'_

"What the h*** did you let her in my office for?" Toby stepped into Sam's office. ' _I thought you had my back.'_

"Okay, ... well, … I'm just gonna step out for a minute an'... not … be ... in this area anymore." ' _And I'm gonna sit down … and not touch anything.'_ Sam walked away.

XXXXXXXXX

' _Good, they're getting serious about foreign policy. ….It's gonna ruffle some feathers, though.'_ Sam entered Ainsley's office through the double doors as Ainsley took notes at her desk. "Wait… what happened to your dress?"

"We're not goin' ta make the party. There's too much work to do."

Sam's face fell. "I'm sorry, Babe."

"It's okay. There'll be other social functions." Ainsley kissed his cheek. "Anyway. There's a thing in this we need to be careful of."

"What?"

"They say they'll approve a new scale of peacekeeping assessments if there's a cost-sharing

mechanism, but it isn't fully addressed here. … You're gonna want me to rewrite some of this

language before the president goes to the U.N." Ainsley held a pen laced between her fingers.

"Mm-hmm." Sam contemplated.

"What?"

"Let me ask you something. ... Before, … when I said that … you were ... enough ta make a good dog ... break his leash, … you understand … that ... men, … we're the dog, … right?" Sam pointed to himself. "I … was the dog."

"I understood the metaphor."

"Okay." Sam paced around the office with his hands in his pockets.

"The peacekeeping assessment has to be based on per capita income … of each country, wi' category J countries paying the … least … atta ninety percent discount."

Sam shrugged. "I mean' it to make you feel good."

"It did."

"Although I certainly meant it." He took his hands out of his pockets.

' _I know.'_ "I appreciate it."

"I didn't mean ta demean you." Sam said.

"I kinda need ya to listen along."

"Okay." Sam leaned on the edge of a table.

"Category A countries will be paying a premium, actually over-paying to cover the … discounts for Category J states."

"Yeah." Sam agreed.

"So we need to be … more ... specific … about Category A. It's gonna be important."

"I was told that I demeaned you."

Ainsley shook her head. "You didn't."

Sam shrugged to the side. "I was told that I did."

"By whom?"

' _Did you just use 'whom' in the grammatically correct context? G** d***, that's sexy.'_ Sam crinkled his face. "By someone named Celia."

"She's mistaken." Ainsley blinked.

"You sure?" ' _Because I love you and I'd feel like sh** if I had demeaned you.'_

Ainsley gestured towards herself. "If I felt demeaned, I'd be among the … very … first people to know it."

"Terrific."

"Here're my notes."

"I'll rewrite'em now. You'll stick around?"

"What else would I do on a Friday night?" Ainsley sat at her desk.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Charlie tracked rainwater in through the Lobby as he limped through the double doors. "Ouch." ' _Oh thank God, somewhere I can sit.'_ He hobbled through the Bullpen. "ka-HUHHHHHH." Charlie sat in Ginger's chair

' _Is that … Charlie?'_ Sam stepped out of his office. "Charlie?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you in pain?" He stood in his office doorway.

' _Nah, please no.'_ "No."

Sam read over his speech rough drafts. "Charlie?"

"Yes?"

Sam stopped in the middle of the room. "Have you been playing basketball?"

"Yes."

Sam put down the speech. "Didya get beat?"

"No."

Sam tilted his head. "Charlie?"

' _Okay fine.'_ Yes.

He rested against the desk. "Who'd ya play?"

"Doesn't matter." Charlie put his messenger bag on the floor. ' _Let's just move on. Please.'_

"Ed?" Sam inquired.

"Nope."

"Larry?"

"No." Charlie readjusted his position in the chair.

"Jack?"

"No."

' _I need coffee.'_ Sam sauntered past Ginger's desk. "Didya get beat by Manny?"

"No."

"Who?"

Charlie reached into his pocket. "Deanna."

"Your sister?"

"Yes."

Sam poured coffee. "Your ...little... sister."

Charlie looked up at Sam. "...She plays varsity, Sam."

The pouring stopped. "Girl's….. varsity."

"She played a finesse game."

"Man, you can't walk." Sam walked back to the desk on the other side of Charlie.

"Yeah. I dunno what's happening to my life."

Sam rests on the edge of the desk. "Listen, I can tell you're down in the dumps, but let's talk about me."

Charlie nodded. "Okay."

"If your sister was getting ready for a night out, an' I said, "Deanna, you're enough to make a good dog break his leash," would you think I was a cad?"

Charlie creased his forehead. "I'd think you were a hick."

Ainsley walked in. "Sam…"

"Hang on. Because of the sentiment or the expression?"

"It's my sister?"

"Yeah."

"I'd beat you up."

"You and how many Girl Scouts?"

"If I could stand up…"

"Sam…"

"But if it wasn't your sister?" Sam clarified.

"Then you're fine."

"He says I'm fine." Sam stood up.

"You're not, 'cause this isn't quite right."

"Still?"

"It needs … to be clear ... that the ...total... assessment is down to 25 percent … from 27 percent … for Category A."

"We've been in this fight."

Celia entered the bullpen as Ainsley continued. "But if we pay before we work out the lang-"

"Hang on." Sam spun around as held up his index finger. "Here she is. … Celia, I asked Ainsley, and she … said … she ... didn't … mind … at all. … Plus, … Charlie ... said he's fine with it."

' _This again?'_ Ainsley thought.

' _Okay?'_ Celia nodded. "Charlie's a man."

"Damn right." Charlie confirmed as Celia headed back to her desk.

Bonnie and Ginger both returned as Ainsley attempted to redirect Sam's attention. ' _Sweetheart, please focus.'_ "Sam?"

"Yes?"

"We need to be clear … we're not gonna take a bath … when other countries can afford to take on more." ' _I know y'all love to spend money, but the madness has gotta stop.'_

"Yes."

Ainsley touched his forearm. "This is important."

"Yeah, I also think it's important to make clear I am not a sexist."

"And that I'm all man."

' _Okay, fine.'_ Ainsley turned towards Celia. "You're Celia?"

Celia looked up. "Yes."

"He's not a sexist." Ainsley turned back to Sam.

"If you're willing to let your sexuality diminish your power." Celia interrupted.

' _Excuse me?'_ Ainsley turned back to Celia. "I'm sorry?"

"I said, ... 'I'm surprised ... you're willing to let you … sexuality … diminish your power'." Celia repeated.

"I don't even know what that means."

"I think you do."

"An' I think you think I'm made outta candy glass, Celia. If somebody says something

that offends you, tell them, ... but all women don't have to think alike."

"I didn't say they did," Celia creased her forehead. "and when somebody said something that offended me, I did .. say so."

' _And you're judging me because I'm not outraged that someone flirted with me, nevermind the fact that he's my boyfriend.'_ "I like it …. when the guys tease me. It's an ... inadvertent show of respect that I'm on the team, and I don't mind it when it gets sexual. … And … you know why? ... I like sex!"

' _Yes, she does.'_ Sam thought.

Charlie's eyes got wide. "Hello."

"I don't think that whatever sexuality ... I may have ... diminishes my power. … I think it enhances it."

' _What the h***.'_ Celia's face scrunched. "And what .. kinda feminism d'ya call that?"

Ainsley gestured towards herself. "My kind."

Ginger shrugged. "It's called Lipstick Feminism. …. I call it … Stiletto... Feminism."

"Stilettos?" Sam's interest peaked.

"You're not inna enough trouble already?" Ainsley scolded.

"I suppose I am."

"Isn't the point ... that Sam wouldn't have been able … to find ... another way ta be ... chummy … with a woman who's sexually appealing?"

' _Well, he is. Obviously.'_ "He would be able to, but that isn't the point. The point is that ... sexual revolution ... tends to get in the way of … actual... revolution. Nonsense issues distract attention away from real ones: pay equity, child care, honest-to-God sexual harassment and, ... in this case, ... a speech in front of the U.N. General Assembly. ...So, you," Ainsley spun around. "25 percent on the assesments for Category A." She turned to Charlie. "You... I don't know what your thing is." She turned back to Celia. "And you, stop trying to take the fun out of my day. …. With that, I'm going to get a cupcake."

' _Of course she is, because she only had 3 cookies with her dinner.' "_ Well, for the moment at least, I'm going to do what she's telling me to do." He headed towards his office.

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End file.
